What We'll Leave Behind Read online

  Roxy squinted at her. “She’s in love with your brother.”

  Stevie gagged. “Well, okay, then. Someone loving Jarred is kinda gross.”

  “So is having to listen to me have sex. I’m sorry about that,” Roxy said with a hint of embarrassment and regret in her voice.

  Stevie shrugged. “Sorry I kinda let loose. I don’t mean to be a cockblock.”

  Roxy smiled. “Me, either. Now, go to him. I’ll see you later. I’m staying with the Scotsman tonight.”

  “Okay, then. I’ll see you, Rox.” Stevie waved bye before running towards the exit.

  Please be there.

  Once she got back to Karon Beach, the sun had almost set. There was no moonlight party tonight. So, it made it easier for her to see that Julian wasn’t at the beach. The disappointment actually pained her. One kiss had changed her. It had left her wanting so much more than just one.

  With a deep breath, Stevie sat on the sand and watched the horizon as the stars brightened the dark sky. Minutes passed, and she knew he was gone. She knew she’d missed her chance at discovering the intensity of what they shared.

  Suddenly, a raindrop hit her hand, and she tilted her head up to the sky. Then droplets pelted her as they fell. Stevie couldn’t believe what luck she had. No Julian. But a hell of a lot of rain was drenching her. So she laughed and raised her palms up, feeling the cold rainwater relieve her from the humidity.

  Of course, it would rain when I’m in Thailand.

  Closing her eyes, she enjoyed it. Loving the way the rain touched and settled on her skin.

  When in Thailand.

  “This. Right here. Most beautiful sight I have ever seen.”

  Every muscle in her body froze at the sound of his voice. Then, slowly and carefully, she opened her eyes to see that his face was close to touching hers.

  “You’re here,” she breathed.

  Julian smiled, and it caused her heart to clench. A beautiful, painful clench. He set his hands on her cheeks, steadying her face as he placed his lips on her forehead.

  “I’m sorry,” she uttered. “My friends didn’t tell me we’d be gone all day. I had no idea.”

  He shook his head, and then he kissed the tip of her nose before he let her face go. Stevie turned herself around to see him sit properly on the sand.

  “Not gonna lie; you had me worried all day, Blondie. I thought you found someone else to spend your holiday with,” he revealed.

  “Me? I thought you found someone else.”

  His grin made way for a smooth chuckle. “Nah, Stephanie. Just you.”

  Just me.

  I like that more than I should.

  Why do I like that more than I should?

  “Just me?” When she realised she had said it out loud, she looked away, embarrassed.

  “Just you,” he confirmed and leant in close.

  The silly smile on her face was one she knew was there to stay. And she knew she’d never breathe quite the same again as his mouth inched closer to hers. The slow movements stole the air right from her lungs.

  “I want to kiss you again.” His eyes locked on hers.

  A flash of want had her blinking. She was completely in awe that someone like him could ever want her. But she swallowed down her insecurities and decided to go with it. Freedom was a drug, and she was addicted to what he could give her.

  “Want to or need to?” she asked in a low voice as she reached up and let her fingers trail along his jaw.

  Julian flinched, which was the most empowering reaction she had ever evoked from a man.

  “Both. But right now, I’m pretty needy.”

  Her fingers traced up his neck, feeling him swallow hard under her touch. “I like needy,” she confessed, hoping her attempts at being sexy were coming off well enough.

  Julian let out a light laugh. “No, Blondie, you like me.”

  The teasing gleam in his eye had her cupping his face. “A needy Julian is nice.”

  “How nice?”

  “Very,” she said in a breathless whisper and pressed her lips to his.

  Sweet Lord.

  He kissed her with such tenderness that she was worried she wasn’t kissing right. She had only kissed a few guys. But none had kissed like Julian—careful but with enough possession and passion that it settled in the pit of her stomach. The desire intensified just as his lips did when they moved against hers. The moment his hands reached for her hips, he had her straddle him, and then his hands skimmed up her thighs. After reaching for her ass, he grasped both cheeks and slammed her body into his.

  The gasp she made was completely involuntary. When his tongue passed her lips and found hers, Stevie’s hands were in his hair, bringing him closer to her. Their tongues explored and licked. It was too much but not enough. The pressure within her seemed to be out of control, and the only way to relieve it was to let out a soft moan.

  The rain continued, pelting them and cooling their kiss for mere seconds. Her dress was stuck to her skin, and she hated it. She wanted to feel his naked chest on her skin. She wanted fantasies rather than rationalities. Better yet, she just wanted Julian.

  His hair was now soaked and made it easier for her to glide her fingers through.

  “Stephanie,” he breathed, slowing the pace of their kiss.

  “Don’t stop,” she protested, and then she moved her body against his, his hardness pressing against her.

  Julian took a sharp inhale before he pulled her back. Their heavy breathing was mutual. She loved the way he wiped the moisture from her face and slowly grinned at her. It was beautiful. It was intimate. And it was everything her heart had loved.

  “It’s raining,” he pointed out.

  Stevie let out an incredulous laugh. “Really? Hadn’t noticed.”

  “We should get off the beach.”

  “Or…” Her hands were on his cheeks, gaining his full attention. Then she rocked her hips against him.

  His hands quickly went to the side of her body, guiding her hips against his hardness. Julian groaned, and it almost made her moan. She loved seeing the pleasure on his face and the desire in his eyes. From these, she could tell he wanted more than heavy kisses. They could do other things besides sex. She was a virgin, but she was no idiot. Nor was she a saint.

  “Or?”

  This time, she smirked. “We could keep going. I’ve never made out in the rain. You cut it short. Not really much for the memory vault.”

  Julian’s eyes widened. Then he cursed before he had her on her back. The wet sand cooled her heated skin. Unable to help herself, she giggled at the hungry look in his eyes. Patience didn’t do him well, it seemed.

  “So, this is all for the vault? You’re not attracted to me in the slightest?” he asked, squinting at her.

  Stevie shook her head, no doubt mixing more sand into her hair. “Not attracted to you at all.”

  “Hmm,” he muttered and then eyed her. “You know what? Me either. Not attracted to you at all, Blondie.”

  “Liar,” she whispered.

  He raised an eyebrow, staring her down. His body hovered over hers, inches from contact. “That I am.”

  His mouth on hers interrupted her smile. Without a hint of hesitation, she widened her legs, placed her hands on his hips, and pulled his body to hers. The heaviness of him drew a soft moan from her. Slowly, Julian’s hands skimmed her thighs before he pushed up her dress.

  The way her heart thumped was almost as painful as the ache she felt between her legs. Never had she been this turned on in her life. Heat radiated from Julian’s skin and warmed her with each touch. Rain ran from his hair and hit parts of her face, causing her to laugh.

  Julian drew back and tilted his head up at the darkened sky. Then he laughed. The smile on his face was just noticeable from the bright moon. There was something so different about him. He seemed free, but the desire to be free had always laced his light-blue eyes. Maybe that was what they were both searching for. Freedom. And she wanted them to reach it
.

  Stevie wrapped her legs around his and grasped his wet shirt in her hands, bringing him back to her. “Kiss me,” she instructed.

  “God, yes,” Julian mumbled before his lips returned to her.

  It wasn’t as slow as before. It was hard and needy. She wasn’t sure which of them was the greedier, but she didn’t care as she kissed him back, her mouth working against his.

  Julian settled between her legs, his hardness perfectly pressing against her. Enough to not only ease the ache, but also add to the intensity. She knew what she needed. She needed the explosion boys like Eric had denied her of. Stevie wanted it with Julian.

  “Julian,” she moaned.

  It was like she had said the secret word as he thrust against her. His lips were no longer on her mouth but along her jaw, then on the length her neck, and then just below her ear. His heavy breaths only added to the intensity. The desire to watch him intensified, but the pleasure of his rubbing caused her to close her eyes.

  It had started slowly, but now, he thrust harder and faster into her. She moaned and he groaned. Her nails dug into her back as pressure built. Her legs tightened around him as she bucked and met him for every material-clad thrust. It wasn’t sex, but it felt amazing.

  “Oh, fuck, Stephanie,” he mumbled into her neck.

  “Harder,” she begged.

  So close. Oh, so close.

  And he did. Her breathing became gasps as he thrust his hardness against her. She wanted to scream his name, but she knew he’d be so full of himself if she did. But then Julian slowed, taking her high—and her orgasm—away.

  “You’re so cruel,” she whined.

  The bastard chuckled and removed his face from the curve of her neck. Then he kissed her lips once and brushed her hair back.

  “The first orgasm I give you, Blondie, is not going to be on the beach. I want it, but I’d rather it be in my bed.”

  Oh my.

  She pursed her lips. An orgasm promised was an orgasm promised. And she wanted it more than ever. She knew that it was a part of his stupid games. And she was not happy being the loser.

  “What if I want the first you give me to be in my bed?”

  He tensed. “You have a roommate,” he stated, trying to win.

  “Who is gone for the night.”

  “I have a private villa to myself. No roommates. No interruptions. I noticed you holding back my name. You can scream it all you like.”

  Stevie jabbed a finger into his shoulder. “Is that so?”

  He nodded.

  “Fine. My first will be in your bed. But your first will be in my bed,” she challenged. But she didn’t let him speak. Instead, she kissed him full on the lips once before she pulled back to look at him. “Deal?”

  “Fucking deal.”

  “So, how are we going to decide which bed first?” Stevie asked, pushing him off her and sitting up.

  Julian appeared to really think about it. Then he dug his hand into his pocket and pulled a coin out. “Heads or tails?”

  Stevie stared at the money. “We’re going to decide orgasms based on a coin toss?”

  “Call it, Blondie,” he ordered, flipping the coin and catching it. Then he placed the coin on the back of his hand, covering it up with the other.

  When she glanced at him, he had an eyebrow raised.

  “Heads,” she said.

  Julian removed his hand, and she watched a smirk consume his face.

  “Let’s go, Blondie,” he said as he stood up from the sand and helped her up.

  “Well?” she asked, intrigued.

  He shook his head, denying her the reveal of the victor.

  “Julian!”

  He chuckled, leant in close to her ear, and whispered, “You’re coming first,” before slipping the coin into her hand.

  Stevie looked down at the coin and frowned.

  She wanted victory.

  Fucking tails.

  What have I done?

  I promised I’d make her come.

  In my bed.

  Why did I promise that?

  Why did I agree that I’d let her get me off in her bed?

  What the fuck are we doing?

  Julian watched as Stephanie took in the large villa that overlooked the beach. The emotionless expression on her face worried him. He couldn’t decipher whether she was impressed or not. All he wanted to do was please her. The idea that she’d given him permission to give her pleasure was both frightening and exhilarating. He wanted to hear more of the little moans she made and feel her nails digging into his back one more time.

  When he’d made the promise to make her come, that was when he should have drawn a line. But with other girls, he’d have already been balls deep. However, with Stephanie, it was so different. Julian wanted her pleasures over his. He wanted to see the bliss on her face after her orgasm. And he definitely wanted to hear her cry his name.

  God, do I want her to scream my name.

  “I can’t believe you’re staying here. You make my room seem like a dodgy motel by the highway,” Stephanie noted as she walked towards the balcony doors. “A hammock?” she asked once she had turned around to face him.

  He smiled and nodded. “Once I put it up this morning, I sat and watched the water before I went down to the beach to see you.”

  “I’m sorry again,” she said with a sad tone in her voice.

  “Oh, Blondie, you’re so adorable when you’re guilty,” Julian teased then made his way to her and scooped her up in his arms.

  “Put me down!” She giggled and kicked her legs.

  “Stephanie, pipe the fuck down. I don’t want to mislead my neighbours into thinking we’re having really great sex.”

  She froze quicker than he had seen anyone still in his life. Julian set her down and stared at her furrowed brows. She was reluctant, but she hadn’t been when they were on the beach. When his eyes met hers, he saw the fear in them and, for a moment, a flash of unsureness. Enough to make all of his thoughts—and his heart—halt.

  She couldn’t possibly be a virgin, could she?

  His heart thumped harder and faster. Julian was about to reject the thought when he realised just how responsive to his touch she had been. But that wouldn’t explain if she was a virgin or not. There was no denying their connection. And that connection had made dry sex one of his favourite things in the world. As long as it involved Stephanie and only Stephanie.

  God, I hope she’s a virgin.

  If she is, I want to be her first.

  I want this woman to own me.

  His eyes widened at the thought. Julian barely knew her, yet he had become infatuated with her. It was completely unreasonable to want a woman so badly. To want more than just a holiday spent with her. As he took in every feature of her delicate face, he found that he wanted more from her. He wanted to hear about her life, in every detail she could remember, and her day for many, many more days ahead of them.

  “You doing okay over there?” Stephanie asked with concern embedded in her voice.

  “Just peachy, Blondie. Wanna give the hammock a rock?” Julian placed his hands on her hips, grinning.

  “I clearly remember your bed being part of the deal,” she pointed out, taking his hands off her and clutching them. She then walked them back towards the hammock.

  “I clearly remember winning the coin toss.”

  Stephanie rolled her eyes and let his hands go. “You first. I want to make sure this thing is secure before I get on it.”

  Julian’s hands were on the white rope. “Must you have such little faith in me, Blondie?”

  Once he climbed into the hammock, he patted the small spot next to him. He loved that she’d have to press her body close to his to fit. After she had let out a very loud sigh, she got into the hammock and lay next to him. Their faces were inches from touching, but she was rigid, like she wasn’t sure what to do with her body.

  “You know,” Julian said, his hand on the small of her back and bringing her t
o his chest. “I promised I’d make you come, but what I didn’t promise is when. You’re quite impatient, Stephanie.”

  He kept his hand on her back as she set hers on his chest. Stephanie’s lips made soft contact with his chin and then his nose, avoiding his lips altogether.

  “You know,” she said, copying the low tone he had used, and let her fingers trail to his stomach. “I thought you were greedy. I was happily giving you what you wanted, Julian.”

  He let out a hard laugh. “You were only thinking about your own needs. I was happy to oblige. But I have some standards. I’m going to make you work for that orgasm, Stephanie.”

  Under the light of the moon, he noticed her eyes flicker with excitement. Stephanie then shut them and moved closer, her head resting on his chest.

  “I’m sure, if I begged even just a little bit, you’d break,” she said.

  Letting out a soft chuckle, Julian trailed his hand to the back of her head and brought her as close as possible. “To be honest, if you’re lucky, you wouldn’t have to beg at all. But I’m going to be stubborn and make you work really hard.”

  Stephanie snuggled into him and sighed. “I’ll try my best.”

  His eyes fluttered shut, enjoying every second of this moment with her. “I’d like you to stay with me tonight, Stephanie.”

  She didn’t answer.

  After a few seconds, she still hadn’t responded to his call of her name.

  When her breathing evened out, he knew she was already asleep. Then he pressed his lips to her forehead and whispered, “I’m going to make you need me like I need you, Blondie. I’m going to make you want me as desperately as I want you.”

  I think I’m in love…

  Or at least I’m going to be in love.

  Julian stared at the beautiful blonde who was lying next to him in the roped hammock. Truth be told, he’d had more comfortable nights before, but last night had been the best of his life. He hadn’t wanted to sleep. He had fought against it for a long time. In the end, with the stars blanketed over them, Julian had slowly shut his eyes and wished for many more nights with her.

  Sometime after falling asleep, Stephanie had mumbled in French and he hadn’t been able to quite make out what she had said. It was cute. It was sexy. And he wanted a thousand more French words to pass her lips. He had hoped she was dreaming of him. Of them. Of what would happen after their final days together on Karon Beach.