Thirty-Eight Reasons Read online

  THIRTY-EIGHT

  REASONS

  A Thirty-eight Series Novel

  Len Webster

  Thirty-Eight Reasons

  Copyright © 2014 Len Webster

  Published by Len Webster

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

  Published: Len Webster 2014

  Publishing assisted by Black Firefly:

  http://www .blackfirefly .com/

  (Shedding light on your self-publishing journey)

  Editing: Christina @ Black Firefly

  Cover Design by Najla Qamber

  http://www.najlaqamberdesigns.com

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  PROLOGUE

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  THE FINAL ACT

  THE FINAL STEP

  THE FINAL DIVE

  THE FINAL VOW

  EPILOGUE

  WHAT YOU LEFT BEHIND: SNEAK PEEK

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  CONNECT WITH LEN

  Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.

  Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice.

  For my readers.

  My reason for writing. My reason for continuing. My reason for feeling so blessed.

  You’ve blessed my life with your love and loyalty.

  I love you all.

  PROLOGUE

  A little ways down the road.

  All she saw was white, the reflection too beautiful to be her own. Nervous trembles succumbed her body. Clara bit the inside of her cheek and stared at the mirror. Her dangling teardrop diamond earrings glittered against the sunlight and her loose curls rested on the side of her face.

  Clara’s eyes travelled down and looked at the reflection of her white tulle wedding dress. It was beautiful. A smile spread across her face. It was time. She was finally getting married. The nerves that ravaged her system were purely due to her impatience. Clara wanted nothing more than to hear the sound of soft violins as she took her first steps down the aisle.

  She looked down at the engagement ring on her right hand. A pinch of sadness crept into her heart, but all she could do was push it away. Today was not the day to be sad. She left that part of her behind and now she was on a new chapter of her life. Soon her beautiful diamond engagement ring would be joined by a wedding band. By the end of the night she would have a new name. One that made her smile and thank the heavens for him.

  It wasn’t easy. Not when Clara’s past put up a fight. She was close to losing her engagement, her brother and even herself. But in the end, she chose what was right and in the end that was what made her happy.

  “It’s time, Clara.”

  She turned away from the mirror and saw her maid of honour holding up a bouquet of tulips. Clara looked up at Stevie and gave her a reassuring smile. They both heard the sound of a soft knock before her brother, Alex, walked into the bridal room.

  “I’ve never seen such a beautiful bride in my life, Clara. He’s one lucky man,” Alex said as he walked over to Clara and placed a kiss on her cheek.

  Her heart tugged slightly and she looked at the tulips. Even when she was a little girl they were the flowers she imagined at her wedding.

  “Do you think I made the right choice?” she asked as she looked up at her brother.

  A slight frown appeared, before Alex smiled and placed his hands on Clara’s shoulders.

  “Clara, you know I’m not impartial. I’m just happy that you’re happy.” After everything they had been through, she was happy. Her life was complete the moment she said ‘Yes.’

  “He’s there, right, Alex?” Clara asked. She needed to know that he would be there the moment she stepped onto the aisle.

  “Clara, Liam isn’t doing a runner. It’s you, we’re all worried about.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. With her brother walking her down the aisle, to the person she would and could love forever, Clara knew she’d made the right choice.

  “I’m not running, Alex. I’m staying. It was always him. He’s the reason for this all.”

  CHAPTER ONE

  Noel looked up at the ceiling vents and let out a frustrated sigh. He leaned into his leather office chair and stared at the white paint. July in Boston was hot. But it held nothing to the Australian heat. Australia’s temperatures almost doubled what Massachusetts could reach. But in the eight months since his return, Noel had adjusted to life back in the US.

  He never liked to think about her. Sometimes he couldn’t help himself and sometimes he’d find himself frustrated and angry. That’s when Noel would mindlessly be at the gym or at a bar. He needed a way of release. She still had a hold on his heart. He tried desperately to sever it, but nothing could erase the memories of her. So instead Noel kept focused on Andrea.

  Andrea had been his anti-depressant. She took away the pain. The first time he met Andrea there was something about her. Noel refused to call her ‘Andy.’ Not when her full name suited her and separated her from the male dominance of G&MC. There was something about her that attracted him the moment he saw her. Noel knew it was her headstrong attitude and her will power to obtain what she wanted.

  Andrea was essentially the complete opposite of the woman that broke his heart all those months ago. Noel tapped his fingers on the leather arms of his chair and swiveled it around until he faced the large office view of the Boston skyline. In the months since his return, Noel had secured three more important accounts as well as improving his chances of becoming a senior executive for the office. Long ago, that all didn’t matter. Now, it was the center of his universe. The more consumed he was with work and Andrea, meant less time remembering.

  “Noel, you busy?”

  Turning his chair around, he saw Damien from marketing standing at his door. Damien’s dark hair was almost black and his tanned skin looked darker against the light grey suit he wore. Noel had found a mate in Damien now that he no longer had Rob or Max by his side. Noel couldn’t speak so openly around Alex when it came to her. With Damien it was different. He had no connection to her at all.

  “Nah. I’ve finished with these accounts for the day. Gregson’s had me checking the balances and making sure they add up,” Noel replied as he leaned for
ward from his chair and placed his arms on the cherry oak desk.

  “Thought I’d come by and see how you and Andy were getting along for the move? Need an extra hand on Sunday?” Damien asked as he stepped into Noel’s office.

  Noel closed the folder and stacked it on top of the pile he had forming on his desk. “Yeah. Come by whenever it suits you. Andrea has some furniture coming in from her old place.”

  “You made room for her stuff?” Damien asked as he took the seat in front of Noel.

  “My apartment has minimal furniture. You’ve been over.”

  “Yeah, but what about all her law books and her desk?”

  Noel shrugged and started to unroll the sleeves of his white business shirt.

  “I’ve got a spare room that’s gone unused. It can be Andrea’s office. Should be big enough,” Noel said as he buttoned both of his cuffs.

  There was silence between them until Damien breathed out and looked at Noel. “Listen, are you sure you’re ready to have Andy move in?”

  “Why?” Noel asked curiously as he reached behind the back of his chair for his jacket.

  “I don’t know. But last night you weren’t as excited as you led to believe. Could it be…”

  Don’t say her name.

  “Clara?”

  Just her name made him freeze. He tried so desperately to forget her name. Damien saying it out loud brought all the pain crashing back down on him. Noel took two deep breaths and had to remember that he was the one to confide in Damien when he couldn’t with Alex.

  “She means nothing to me. You don’t even know her!” Noel growled.

  “Then why can’t you say her name?”

  Noel looked away and stared at his hands.

  “Does it even matter? I told you all that shit because I had a few beers.”

  Damien nodded twice and rose from his seat.

  “No. You told me all that shit because you needed to tell someone that wasn’t Alex. You can try to lie to me all you want, Parker, but at the end of the day you can’t even face the facts. You still love Clara,” Damien said before walking towards the door, stopped and turned to face Noel. “I’ll see you Sunday. Realise that Andy’s your girl now. Not Clara.” Damien turned and walked out of Noel’s office.

  Slamming his fists on the desk, Noel hastily got out of his office chair. Pure frustration and anger coursed through his veins. He knew he was stupid to be this angry over her. It had been months since he last saw Clara Lawrence. Last time he checked, she had gone and fallen in love with Liam or some bullshit. Max and Rob never said anything about her when they spoke over the phone or through emails and messages. She was a topic they never discussed. But sometimes, all Noel wanted to do was talk about her, find out about the things he missed since their separation. Find out if she ever thought about him.

  You’re with Andrea now.

  He had to stop thinking about Clara. He had Andrea and she had an importance in his life. Noel pulled out the top drawer of his desk and took out his phone and wallet. He needed away from his own office. Noel thought Boston, Massachusetts, was enough distance from Clara. But no matter how far he was, she still affected his life in some way or another. She was the one that got away. The one that haunted his dreams and the one he didn’t want to let go of.

  Noel pushed her out of his thoughts and hid the memories of her further into the pits of his closed and darkened heart. He couldn’t remember their love; it caused too much pain in his life. Noel unlocked his phone to see a message from his best friend, Alex.

  Alex: Coming down to NY this month? Keira wants you and Andy over for dinner.

  Noel felt a sense of guilt in him. He had neglected his own friendship with Alex since that day in New York when Alex had called him out. Noel knew that Alex was trying hard to make things better between them. It wasn’t Alex’s fault, but Noel wanted to blame someone and found it easy directing the blame on Alex. It was hard to admit the faults he couldn’t fix.

  Noel: Yeah, towards the end of the month. Andrea’s moving in on Sunday and I want her settled before we head down to NY.

  Noel sent the message, bent down, and picked up his briefcase by the handle. Before he even got to the office door his phone vibrated in his hand. He stopped and read the new message.

  Alex: Andy is moving in?

  Asking Andrea to move in with him was quick and decisive. He didn’t want Alex telling him how soon it would be or mention Clara's name. Noel took it upon himself to make the decision without Alex’s guidance or advice.

  Noel: Asked her over a week ago.

  Alex: Congrats.

  Noel looked at Alex’s instantaneous message. One word and that was ‘congrats.’

  Noel: Thanks, man. I appreciate the support.

  He waited a few long minutes, but Alex didn’t respond and Noel knew the support wasn’t there. Rob’s words about Alex entered his thoughts, “…Once Alex finds out he won’t forgive you.” Noel’s nose flared and he shook his head. Alex was fine. He had been fine all those months ago. He was probably just surprised about the news of Noel’s move with Andrea. Breathing out heavily, he opened the door and then slammed it shut. He saw Colleen jump in her seat.

  “Mr. Parker, are you all right?” Colleen had been his assistant since he took up the position of senior account in Boston. She was closing in on fifty. Her crow’s feet and wrinkles started to become noticeable, but didn't take away from her graceful beauty. Her pink lipstick was spread on in a soft pink tone and her nails matched.

  “Sorry, Colleen. Didn’t mean to make you jump there. I’m heading home early. Finish up and go home too. Have a good weekend.” Noel couldn’t wait to go home, put up his feet, and nurse a beer or two. He was sure he'd need more than two.

  ⌘

  Parking in front of the florist on Federal Street, Noel cut the engine and stared at the flowers displayed on the pavement. He opened his car door and walked around to the entrance of the small shop, and went inside. Different floral fragrances engulfed his senses. Noel did a quick scan until he spotted a table of cacti on it. One had completely caught his attention. It was in a small brown pot, with green prickly cacti and two vibrant flowers that blossomed from the plant. Noel picked it up and smiled. This would be his housewarming present for Andrea.

  Walking over to the counter, he was met with the back of an elderly man’s blue T-shirt. The old man turned and smiled at him. Noel stood by the counter and placed the cactus plant on it. His eyes fell down to see the shop worker holding a bouquet of orange tulips. All air fled his lungs as he stared at the tulips. All memories of Clara and her favourite flower started flooding his every thought. The pain in him was intolerable and could bring him to his knees. Noel looked up to see the old man’s mouth move but he couldn’t hear a single word that came from it.

  Noel fumbled with his jacket pocket and took out his wallet. Opening it, he took out his credit card and handed it to the florist. He breathed in heavily a few times before he looked down at his wallet. The corners of a picture were visible and Noel’s hands tightened around his wallet. The man gave back his credit card and Noel took one more look at the tulips before taking the cactus plant and leaving the store.

  Once inside his car, Noel placed Andrea’s gift on the floor of his car. He took out his wallet and opened it. He removed the credit card from its slot and placed it in another part of his wallet.

  Noel looked at the bent ends poking out. He ran his thumb over it and paused. It had been more than six months since he last saw this picture, but Noel wanted to see it. He didn’t care that it would open up the wounds he tried so desperately to stitch shut. His heartbeat picked up, his palms sweat and his hand shook. He took out the picture and his heart collapsed at the sight of it. If he hadn’t already prepared himself, he’d cry over it.

  Noel sat there and continued to run his thumb over her beautiful face and then her long brown curls. His eyes burned slightly and that was when he put the picture back in its slot and covered it with his
credit card. For Noel, the picture served as a heartbreaking memory of her. No matter how much he tried to forget her, Clara Lawrence would always break his heart over and over again.

  The sounds of bags being wheeled, heavy conversations and voices over the PA system screeched in Clara’s ear. Her head ached slightly. She never expected to be doing this, but she was. Clara gripped her phone tightly. Her breathing was heavy and her knuckles turned white. Her other hand trembled against the table she sat at. Clara looked over at her brown wristwatch and bit her bottom lip. The seconds continued to tick by and she fiddled with her boarding pass.

  “Clara, relax. You’re going to be fine.” Stevie’s voice grabbed her attention.

  “Really? Because this is stupid. What the hell am I doing? Liam does not deserve this.” Guilt washed over her like heavy waves pushing her to the seafloor.

  “Liam’s a good guy, but…” Annie said.

  He is a good guy. A guy I didn’t deserve at all! What the hell am I doing?

  Clara let out a heavy sigh. She looked up to see Annie first and then Stevie. Annie had a confused look on her face whereas Stevie's eyes flashed with understanding. If anyone understood Clara's inner demons it was Stevie.

  “Liam is perfect. Everything he is and does is perfect. But he has one flaw…”

  “And that is?” Annie asked as she leaned forward and squinted at Clara.

  Clara paused for a second, but she knew Liam's flaw like she knew the ingredients of her peach ‘n tea cupcakes. It was seared into her memory, never to be forgotten.

  “He loves me,” Clara simply stated.

  “But how is that even a flaw, Clara?” Annie asked.

  Clara’s eyes started to burn. This was not the kind of pep talk she needed. Her head fell slightly and she stared at her hands on the white table.

  “That's enough, Annie. Come on, Clara. You'll miss your flight if you listen to this dim head,” Stevie said.

  Clara balled her fists and swallowed hard to stop any tears from falling. She had to do this. Whether she liked it or not, she had to do it. She stood up from her seat and gripped the handle of her small suitcase. They all walked quietly towards airport security and Clara’s heart raced. She had talked herself out of this many times before, but this time she had to. Liam suggested she take this trip after working hard on her culinary school placement and at the bakery.