What You Left Behind Read online

  Sometimes Moments

  Thirty-Eight Series

  Forever Starts Today (Thirty-Eight #.5) Coming Soon

  Thirty-Eight Days (Thirty Eight #1)

  Thirty-Eight Reasons (Thirty Eight #2)

  What We’ll Leave Behind (Thirty-Eight #2.5)

  What You Left Behind (Thirty-Eight #3)

  All We Have (Thirty-Eight #4) Coming 2016

  The Ribbon Duology

  The Ribbon Chasers: a short story (Ribbon #0.5)

  The Ribbon Catchers (Ribbon #1) Coming Soon

  The Ribbon Release (Ribbon #2) Coming Soon

  No amount of white sand or distance could bury their past.

  Some things are just never meant to be forgotten.

  When Julian Moors returned from Thailand he left behind all his belongings, his father and only brother in Melbourne and moved to Sydney. One girl shattered his world and left him with more questions than answers.

  Behind the persona, Stevie Appleton tries to outrun her past. Nightmares and memories have started to collide, putting her future and her heart at risk. No one can know the secrets she tries to keep locked away, even if it means betraying the people she loves the most.

  Everyone has a story but not everyone has a past quite like Stevie and Julian.

  When they meet years later, don’t expect a happy ending. The past holds skeletons and not even these skeletons can be buried.

  We harm ourselves when we harm others.

  -Jaymes Young

  For Jenny Sims.

  Thank you for being my hero in my time of need and for being my friend.

  I’m thankful for every step I took that led me to you.

  You are incredible.

  No words I write will ever give you and all that you do justice.

  From the bottom of my heart,

  Thank you, Jenny.

  Four Years Ago

  The walk from Karon Beach to her hotel room only took a few minutes, but Stevie Appleton felt the sweat on the back of her knees and on her forehead. The air was hot and muggy; being out in the sun had exhausted her. Just before walking up the last step that led to her hotel room, she glanced at her arms. Her skin was now a light golden colour from days of being in the sun. It surprised her that her skin hadn’t burned under the harsh Thai sun. Stevie sighed. Then she gripped the railing as she climbed up the steps.

  Her two-week stay in Thailand was meant to be one unforgettable Schoolies experience. Her reasons for attending the post-high school tradition was not so she could get drunk and party. She had needed to get away from her family. Stevie hadn’t been happy when her dad and stepmother sent her to an all-girls school while her stepbrother, Jarred, went to a co-ed high school. Stevie’s only issue with an all-girls school was having to spend her final year with pretentious and spoilt brats. But she had needed them. At the last minute, Stevie had agreed to fill one of the spots after one girl had left to stay with her boyfriend up in Queensland.

  Once she reached the hotel room she shared with her business management classmate, Stevie rummaged through her beach bag. After several attempts of moving sunscreen, a bottle of water, and other items around, she realised that she didn’t have her room key.

  “Are you kidding me?” she huffed and knocked on the door, hoping her roommate was inside. Stevie listened with her ear close to the door and could hear noises on the other side of the door so she knocked again.

  “Roxy, let me in!” she yelled after the third set of knocks. Stevie removed the bag from her shoulder and let it fall to the ground. “Roxy! I don’t have my key card. Can you please let me in? I’m dying here!”

  “Stephanie, go away!” Roxy shouted.

  When are they going to realise that I hate being called Stephanie?

  “It’s my room, too. Let me in!”

  There were whispers as Stevie heard the deadbolt unlocking. Roxy opened the door slightly and her messy head poked out from the crack she’d made.

  “I’m kind of busy with kilt boy over here. You need to go.” There was a serious expression on Roxy’s face and Stevie sighed.

  “Fine. If I’m going to be out here waiting for you to finish up, then I’ll need my hat.”

  Roxy closed the door and left for a second. She returned and handed Stevie her floppy sun hat.

  “You should go and get laid. Enjoy the fact that this is Schoolies!”

  Stevie glared at her and shook her head at Roxy. When she picked up her bag from the ground, she heard the hotel door slam shut.

  “You’re such a slut!” Stevie yelled out and headed for the stairs.

  “I heard that!”

  Stevie turned to see Roxy’s head poking out the door again.

  “I hope his dick falls off!”

  A smirk appeared on Roxy’s face. “Then it means I’m memorable for him. Go get laid, Stephanie. I’m sure there are plenty of foreign boys out there after your goodies. If you can’t get laid here, then there is something wrong with you.”

  Stevie’s nostrils flared as she flipped Roxy the bird. “Screw you!” Then she began to march towards the stairs.

  “I’m good. I have Braveheart in my bed making sure he screws me good!”

  Stevie felt the bile rise in her throat. Instead of retaliating, she shook her head and went down the steps, heading towards the beach.

  Stopping by one of the small drink vendors across from Karon Beach, Stevie bought a bottle of cold water. Once she had crossed the road, she placed the hat over her blonde hair and looked out at the crystal clear blue water. She was in awe.

  They don’t have beaches like this back home.

  Stevie slipped off her thongs and her bare feet instantly felt the hot sand. Although she had been here not too long ago, she couldn’t help but smile at the fact that she was miles away from home. Life at home hadn’t been horrible. She had felt suffocated and needed to find herself before she started university. That had been one thing she wasn’t looking forward to—finding out whether or not she had been accepted into the university of her dreams.

  Instead of trying to pass tourists to get to the water, Stevie decided to sit on the white sand and enjoy the peace offered by the beach for now. She knew that tonight would be one of the beach’s moonlight beach parties. She wasn’t sure who organised them, but the alcohol was cheap and every young foreigner attended.

  Just as she was about to sit down, she noticed a pair of pale blue eyes on her. His brown hair was damp, and his wet body glimmered in the sunlight. Those eyes glared at her as if she was holding a secret and he was trying to decipher it. Stevie felt the air in her lungs flee, as he didn’t break eye contact. She neither smiled nor frowned. Instead, Stevie directed her attention back to the clear water and sat on the hot sand. Then she set her beach bag and thongs down.

  She fought an internal battle to resist the temptation to glance back at him. To discover if his eyes had been focused on her or not. But she heavily doubted it. However, there was no denying the fact that he was beautiful. His eyes were what lured her into a sense of curiosity towards him. They were so pale that she filed them as unique. Her eyes, however, were bright blue as the sky on a cloudless day—or so her last boyfriend had said. No way did hers match this man’s beauties.

  Ignoring her roommate predicament and the attractiveness of that guy’s light blue eyes, Stevie reached into her bag until she found her copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. The same copy that her father had given to her when she was ten. The cover was worn with creases and spill marks, but that was what she loved about the book. It had lasted through the years she’d spent in Melbourne and Paris. After flipping through the novel, she landed on the page marked by the same gift tag her father had written her name on. She smoothed out the page and contin
ued to read.

  “Tell me you’re a local and that you do this every day when you come to the beach,” she heard a smooth voice say when she had almost finished the chapter.

  Heart stopped.

  Breathing ceased.

  Oh.

  Slowly—as she tried to process the unnatural movements that her body made—Stevie placed the book on her lap. Then she turned to see those pale blue eyes staring at the pages of her book. At first, his closeness startled her as he peered over her shoulder, but she had managed to hide her flinch. Then she felt a cold drop of seawater hit her exposed shoulder, and she shivered.

  “Excuse me?” she asked.

  “You’ve got to be a local. There is no way a tourist comes to Phuket to read Harper Lee’s classic.”

  Stevie blinked as he took the book from her lap. His wet fingers moistened the pages as he flicked through them. Suddenly, he stopped going through the book and ran a finger down the page.

  That was when Stevie felt her jaw drop. This stranger picked out and read out loud one of her favourite quotes from her favourite novel. He smiled and closed the book before handing it back to her. After a few blinks, Stevie quickly took the book back and returned it to her lap.

  “I like your choice in classics. I think we’ll be good friends,” he stated with a hint of excitement in his voice. He gave a genuine smile, and she couldn’t refrain from staring into his eyes. More grey than blue. But then more blue than grey. They were beautiful. Alluring, even.

  “What’s your name?” he asked.

  The ability to voice her name had become a struggle with her dried up throat.

  You don’t just tell random strangers your name, right?

  “Blondie, what’s your name?”

  His nickname for her snapped her out of her thoughts.

  “It’s not Blondie, that’s for sure. And I’m not here to make friends,” she retorted.

  Those goddamn eyes.

  Seriously?

  I need to get out of here. I can hide out near the pool…

  Yeah. I’ll do that.

  Stevie leant forward and grabbed her beach bag. Those eyes and that smile had her alarm bells ringing. And she was sure that he was Australian. His accent wasn’t strong, but she knew he couldn’t be from up north.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, Blondie. Need to be somewhere?” he asked as he gently wrapped his hand around her arm, stopping her. Stevie looked down at his hand and then up at him, his eyebrow raised at her.

  “It’s not ‘Blondie.’ Okay?” Her body remained tense under his grasp.

  “Come on. I have to know the girl behind the mockingbird. You intrigue me,” he explained then released her arm as he sat back.

  Stevie turned to see him still staring at her. She sighed. “You aren’t going to leave me alone, are you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

  He pulled a boyish grin that disarmed her immediately.

  Kill. Me.

  “Julian,” he said as he sat forward and held out his hand. Stevie tensed as she hesitantly glanced down at the hand he offered.

  Julian shook his head and chuckled. “Here’s what we’ll do, Blondie. We’ll be one of those types of friends, the holiday kind. No last names, no pasts or where we come from. We’ll just hang out on this beach. What do you say?”

  He seemed so open and friendly. But Stevie had to be cautious. If they were just going to be friends, then he wouldn’t have to know a whole lot about her. This beach would be all that they had, and then they’d leave it behind and let it wash away with the water.

  He doesn’t have to know who I really am.

  He’d never look for me.

  I won’t give him a reason to.

  “Stephanie.”

  Present day

  “Son, are you on your way?” his father, Arthur, asked over the phone.

  Julian Moors adjusted his black tie as he walked back towards his waiting taxi. Changing in the toilets of a McDonald’s wasn’t his ideal dressing room, but his late connection had given him no other choice.

  “Yeah, Dad. I’m just walking to the taxi as we speak. Changed inside of Macca’s. I’m on my way to the wedding now. Have I missed much?” Julian held his phone tighter as he opened the taxi door. He placed his carry-on bag on the seat and slipped inside.

  “Noel and Clara have just signed their marriage certificate,” his father informed.

  Julian nodded at the driver to continue on, and the car pulled out of the busy car park and onto the freeway.

  “How’s she looking?” he asked once he put on his seatbelt and settled into the worn leather backseat. The heavy smell of eucalyptus had him winding down the window for fresh air. The summer breeze instantly hit his skin and provided his nostrils with relief.

  “No words will do Clara justice. She’s just too beautiful. It’s a shame you went to Sydney, son. You were both close when you were children.”

  Julian groaned. “Dad, we were kids. I was never going to end up with Clara Parker.”

  Clara Parker… It suits her.

  There was a chuckle from his father. “I know, Julian. I can’t help but think Clara could have been the one who made you stay at home instead of moving away. I just miss you, that’s all.”

  Looking out the window, his eyes roamed his vision of Melbourne. For four years, he had been away from his father and brother. For four years, he had been running. But now he was tired. Life in Sydney had become meaningless, and the excitement of Italy had worn off only hours after he’d landed.

  “How’s Noel looking?” Julian asked, changing the subject.

  “Like he discovered the Holy Grail. Never thought in a million years that I’d witness these two getting married. It’s nice to see how love pans out.” He heard the smile in his father’s voice. His father had been a firm believer of True Love and the sight of Noel and Clara was without a doubt giving his father some joy. But for Julian, love hadn’t panned out to his liking. The one woman he had ever loved left him to wake up alone in a Thai villa.

  Love can suck my dick.

  He had stopped believing in that damned word. That was until Noel and Clara. They had him believing that it could happen for him. Their love acted as a form of remedy to his poisonous hate for anything remotely related to love. Hearing that they got together was unbelievable, but witnessing them made him believe again. And believing was something he didn’t want to be doing. Four years of waiting for a woman who’d never return his feelings was far too long. Never getting a goodbye had made him a non-believer.

  “Is Rob around?”

  There was a hum from his father. “He’s with Stevie. I’ll just get him.”

  Julian rolled his eyes at the sound of her name. What Rob found in a woman named ‘Stevie,’ he’d never know.

  “Dipshit, hey! You on your way?” The playfulness in Rob’s voice had Julian’s mood improving.

  “I’m about an hour and a bit away. Still chasing ‘Steven?’”

  “Her name is Stevie. And no. She wants nothing to do with me.” Rob grunted. Julian couldn’t help but feel bad for his older brother. He knew how much Rob liked her, and he knew his brother was still hurt over their breakup.

  “What happened? She realised you were the vagina in the relationship and she couldn’t let her balls out freely?”

  “God, you can be such an immature dick. Clara’s impatient to see you. Can you hurry your annoying ass up? Everyone’s waiting for you,” Rob said, exaggerating his irritation.

  “Whoa, don’t get your panties in a knot, Roberta! I’ll be there soon.”

  His brother let out a sarcastic laugh. “Whatever. I’ll see you when you get here.”

  “All right, Rob,” he said, ready to hang up.

  “Julian.”

  He tensed at the sound of his name because Rob tended not to use it. He usually called him ‘dipshit’ or ‘asshole’ as a suitable replacement.

  “Yeah?” Julian asked as he saw the sign for the Mornington Peninsula exit.
>
  “I’m happy you’re finally coming home for good,” Rob stated then hung up.

  Julian placed his phone in his lap and looked out the window once more. He knew it was time to let her go, but he couldn’t. He wanted to see her again, and he had made that promise back in Boston. However, it was time he settled back in to a life in Melbourne. Tapping his fingers on his thigh, he continued to gaze out the window. Slipping his hand into his dress pants pocket, Julian took out the Thai coin they had made promises with and stared at it.

  “I’ll always be all in,” he whispered as he placed the coin heads side up on his palm. Then he smiled sadly.

  “Someday, Blondie. Someday, I’ll find you again.”

  “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Noel and Clara to the dance floor as they share their first dance together as husband and wife,” Ross, the lead singer of the band, announced.

  From where she stood, Stevie Appleton watched her best friend smile and lead her husband to the dance floor.

  “One, two, three,” Ross counted the band in. Then they began to play and sing Lady Antebellum’s “Can’t Take My Eyes off You.”

  Stevie’s smile deepened as Clara’s eyes widened, recognising the song. Noel had wanted to surprise his wife with their first dance song choice. When Stevie asked why that particular song, Noel had just said, “It was the song that played when I first told Clara that I loved her. The first time I had ever said it to a woman and really meant it.” He truly loved Clara, and Stevie had known it the moment she had met him. Soon, her best friend would be moving to the U.S., and Stevie would be without her.

  Looking across the dance room, Stevie noticed Rob standing alone by a table. Guilt settled in the pit of her stomach. She found it hard to let go of her past and be with him. Something about his eyes and his smile reminded her of the man she had left behind all those years ago. Being together was initially meant to make Jewel, the woman from the bar, jealous, but somehow, Rob fell deeper. And as hard as Stevie tried, she couldn’t make herself fall in love with Robert Moors.