With the First Goodbye (Thirty-Eight Book 5) Read online

  Max took the cup of coffee, careful not to spill it, and nodded. Then he slowly turned towards the booths and made his way to the nearest one. Unlike the tables next to the windows, the lights wrapped around the rafters and built into the back wall of the bakery brightened the booths. Upon reaching the booth, he set his coffee down and slid onto the cushion.

  Reaching for the handle, he grasped it and took a sip of the coffee. It was perfect—smooth but with the perfect hint of bitterness from the roasted coffee bean. He couldn’t remember a better cup of coffee. As Max set the cup down, Josie slipped into the booth across from him and set a cupcake in front of him.

  “I’m pretty sure you were always a fan of the banana and Walnut Whip cupcake,” Josie said as she pushed it towards him.

  “You remembered?” He was bewildered that she did. The banana and Walnut Whip cupcakes were one of the rare cupcakes. He never knew when they were going to be the cupcake special. He had once begged Clara to make a batch, but she didn’t know the recipe.

  “I did.”

  “Can I ask you a question about this cupcake?”

  Josie crossed her arms on the table and nodded. “All right.”

  “Who makes this cupcake? Because the only person I know who can make any tasty cupcake is Clara, and she swears she doesn’t know how to make this one.” He pointed at the cupcake for emphasis.

  Josie bit down the smile that peeked through. “I make these. They’re only the rare cupcakes because I can’t be bothered making them. That, and we also have to import all the Walnut Whips from the UK.”

  “Marry me,” he breathed as he picked up the dessert and peeled the paper down. His mouth watered as he took a big bite. The vanilla whipped icing hit his tongue, and he groaned. “Seriously, marry me.”

  “You should be proposing to Danny.”

  “What?” he said, a mouthful of dessert hindering his ability to be coherent.

  “I know how to make them because he gave me the recipe before he left for San Francisco. I didn’t create it. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news.” That smile of hers hadn’t retreated. In fact, it only stretched wider.

  Max swallowed down the cupcake with a sip of coffee. “You were almost too perfect, Josephine.”

  He had meant for it to sound like a tease.

  But it was more of a confession and a lie.

  The truth and a lie.

  Too perfect and Josephine Faulkner would be completely out of his reach.

  It was selfish.

  Completely and truthfully selfish.

  The colour of her cheeks brightened as she turned her head away, breaking their eye contact.

  Max pushed the coffee and cupcake to the side and reached out to grasp her hand. Josie slowly turned and glanced down at their contact. After a few silent moments, she lifted her gaze to his, and for a brief second, he believed his feelings could be requited. He allowed himself to believe it.

  To give him hope at being truly adored by someone who wasn’t vindictive.

  To be adored by her would make his life meaningful.

  To be adored by her, he’d go through every hellish task.

  I want her to adore me.

  To want me.

  Because he knew worst things in the world existed than being adored by Josephine Faulkner.

  In fact, she was the better thing in the world.

  His world.

  And at that moment, he adored the way her blue eyes glittered up at him.

  “Another question,” he requested.

  She answered him with a nod.

  “Why do you want to be a lawyer?”

  Josie blinked at him. Seconds later, she sucked in a deep breath through her nose and said, “I wasn’t expecting that.”

  Max squeezed her hand. “What were you expecting?”

  “Honestly?”

  He nodded.

  “I kind of expected you to ask about my father.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah,” she said in a small voice. “I guess my answer kind of involves my father. Actually, I want to be a lawyer in spite of him. My dad divorced my mother when I was eight, and her lawyer ended up getting her nothing out of the divorce. Growing up, I was so angry because I watched my mother work hard while he had the life of a diplomat. Then, when I found out that his new wife—who he married months after meeting her and the divorce only just finalised—was pregnant, I wanted her to have nothing from my father. I thought for so long she was a gold digger. But then she had a second kid two years later, and his affections were no longer meant for me. I wanted to be a lawyer so that when the abandoned partner needed representation, I would be there and get them what they deserved.”

  Her eyes shone with unshed tears.

  “You must think I’m so selfish. But it drove my need to get into law school. Before my parents divorced, I actually wanted to be a dancer. My first dance was when I was four, and it was for my parents in our living room to this music box that played my mother’s favourite song. The next day, my dad signed me up for lessons. I used to dance for them. When he left, I danced in hopes of getting his attention. It took many recitals, many no-shows and empty reserved seats for me to realise he would never show up for them. Not even my last recital. Disappointment just came complimentary. I decided to be a lawyer so I could fight for those who were left behind.”

  His thumb softly brushed the back of her hand. “I don’t think you’re selfish, Josephine.”

  Her soft smile was all the reassurance he would ever need. “Thank you, but my reason for becoming a lawyer started off as selfish. Now, I just want to help people. I don’t know what my speciality will be just yet. But don’t worry, you can be the contracts expert.”

  The way she eased the conversation into a tease at his expense was a ride he was in awe of. She could convince him of things he never did, and he’d plead guilty in a court of law for them. He had no doubt that she’d excel at whatever kind of lawyer she decided to be. She’d be a sought-after lawyer before she knew it. And for Max, he had to ensure she graduated and realised her potential.

  In spite of her father or not, she’d have that bachelor in the end. She’d know that when she had it, she had done it all for herself and not for him.

  Josie surprised him by covering their joined hands with her free palm, trapping him in the best way possible.

  “Can I ask you a question?” she asked in a soft voice as if she were afraid. The fear in her eyes was a beacon, luring him to her.

  “Yes,” he breathed.

  Josie had run her teeth across her bottom lip before she released it with a short exhale. “Your cousin. She thought I was someone else. Was she … Was she someone you loved?”

  Sarah.

  Memories of when they were kids collided with the struggling beats of his heart.

  He thought he was clean of her.

  But the emerging pain that intensified throughout him was proof he wasn’t. She had been the first person he had ever promised never to let down. That day on the step outside her front door, he had promised to be there for her. She was eight. Then, eight years later, on that very doorstep, he promised that it would only ever be her after her mother revealed she was leaving her father.

  That was when Sarah Collins had gone from the little girl he would always protect to the teenager with a chip on her shoulder. She hated everyone in her path—Max included. He had wanted to stop her abnormal behaviour, but he couldn’t. She had pushed him away only to find the arms of his best friend, Alex Lawrence. But not even Alex could bring back that lost little girl she had been. Max had thought he had when she appeared on his doorstep telling him it was over with Alex.

  But that had been a lie.

  She had cheated on Alex with Max that night.

  And it was a devastation Max had lived with for seven years.

  Realising he had been quiet for some time, Max began to pull away from Josie’s touch. He needed air. He needed to be away from someone as pure as Josie. She
couldn’t know what he had done.

  But Josephine Faulkner did something surprising. She latched onto his hand with hers and made him stay. The first woman who, in her smallest actions, ever wanted him to.

  That revelation wounded him in the very best ways.

  With her hands clutching his, he wanted to be clean of every past sin for her.

  And that meant being honest.

  “I did,” he confessed in a tiny voice. The weight on his shoulders neither heavied nor lightened. Instead, he became comfortable. Max knew he wouldn’t be free until he told Alex the truth. Seven years was a long time to withhold it.

  Josie’s lips pressed into a tight smile. “But?”

  “Why do you assume there’s a ‘but’?”

  “Because I can see it on your face. When we stood on that bridge, the guilt in your eyes was one I couldn’t look away from. Just like right now. You hold a lot of guilt because of her.” It was a statement rather than a question.

  Max nodded.

  He had never come clean to anyone. His best friends assumed or had figured it out. No one outside his close circle knew. He had never wanted anyone to judge him. And at that moment, out of all the people he had ever met and come across, Josie was the one he didn’t want to think so little of him.

  He wanted to be the hero in her story.

  Her ending entwined with his.

  Max wanted to be Josie’s hero.

  But he knew, just by looking at her and revelling in that soft gaze of hers, that she would be his hero.

  And maybe he was looking for that all this time.

  Saving.

  Redemption.

  Respect.

  Someone to understand him.

  “I’ve never told anyone this,” he said in a small voice.

  “I would never judge you. I hope you know that.”

  He smiled at her. “I know. And even if you did, I would never hold that against you.”

  “But I won’t,” she insisted.

  And he believed her.

  Taking a deep breath, Max knew it was time. The first step to a better, cleaner future. “I used to believe in love with this woman named Sarah. We grew up together. I saw all this good in her that people seemed to have forgotten she had. I understood her. I understood why she was so angry with everyone and the world. I thought she realised I was the one on her side. One day, I just kissed her, and that was that. I knew I had put myself out there. The next day, she was Alex Lawrence’s girlfriend.”

  “Clara’s brother?”

  Max nodded. “Yeah. But don’t think Alex stole her from me or anything. It was never like that. He just never knew how I felt about her. He was always the better guy—always will be the better guy. I think she was just scared to have someone understand the real her. She didn’t want to feel, and with Alex, she could pretend. With me, I knew all her scars and her pain. I knew the real her.”

  He paused to see if Josie was still with him or if she needed him to stop, but Max noticed her nod, so he continued.

  “So I stayed away. I thought I could handle seeing them together, but I couldn’t. I let my best friend have the girl because I knew he could make her feel better. But then one night, she just appeared at my house. Told me it was over and that I was the one she really loved. That night, I told her I loved her. I thought I showed her that … but the next morning, I walked into school to see her in Alex’s arms. She had cheated on him with me. She ripped my heart out when our eyes met, and she had this vindictive smile on her face. I knew then it wasn’t real.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Josie whispered.

  “That’s not the worst part,” he warned.

  “Okay.”

  “I went back to her,” Max said, ashamed of his secret. “I confronted her, and before I knew it, I was getting dressed. I slept with her again and again. I couldn’t stop even though I tried so hard to. But she knew how much I loved her, and she used it against me. I begged her to leave Alex, but she didn’t. When he broke up with her, I thought it meant we could finally be together, but she moved on to some other guy.”

  “You never deserved what she did to you.”

  “Alex didn’t deserve what we did to him,” he corrected. “I still haven’t told him.”

  Josie’s thumb circled the back of his hand. It was as if she were soothing his past transgressions away and making way for the better Max Sheridan he was capable of.

  “Last time I saw Alex, he looked at Keira with a love that could never be broken by something like the past. Trust me; I don’t think it’ll hurt him the way you think it will. I think it hurts you more,” she pointed out.

  “I have to tell him.”

  “I know you will.”

  “I have to apologise to Noel, too,” he announced.

  Josie’s thumb stopped its turns. “Noel?”

  Max let out a sigh. “This is where I think you’ll actually be disgusted in me, Josephine.”

  “I can honestly say I won’t. I’m your friend, Max,” she assured.

  Friend.

  God, it hurt him to hear that.

  He knew he was the hopeful one for wanting more than just to be a mere friend to her. It wasn’t fair to her if he presumed anything more would come out of their mutual friendship.

  He hoped.

  And if Max was going to be the hero in her story, he had to be what she needed and not just act on his selfishness.

  “The moment I met his girlfriend, I was already starting to fall for her. I thought this time she’d understand me. She must have known Noel was in love with Clara. She’s a corporate lawyer just like me, and when we got to talking, she understood my work problems. One stupid bet and I pushed her against the closest tree and kissed her. Right under Noel’s nose, I stole his girlfriend’s kiss.”

  Josie pulled her hands from him. It was slow. Agonisingly slow. And it was also painful to see her take her touch away from him.

  “You think I’m a terrible person,” he said, the hurt he couldn’t hide from his voice.

  She shook her head. “I told you; I will never judge you—especially for something you did in the past. You might not have made the right choices, but you feel guilty, so that means you know what you did was wrong. I would judge you if you felt any pleasure or sense of rightness. You made a mistake, Max. You’re human. You’re a man who let your emotions and affections guide you. People out there have done a lot worse, and you, Max, are not the worst kind of man out there. You’re one of the good ones who didn’t get the chance to be loved right.”

  “You think so highly of me.”

  “I do,” she said with a smile. “You taught me clauses in contracts that I didn’t get in my lecture. Your notes on my draft assignment were great. And I think that should put your pride back in its place.”

  And there it was.

  That ease that came with being with Josie.

  She made him better.

  She accepted and understood the wrongs of his past.

  Sarah understood his personal life.

  Andrea understood his career.

  But Josie?

  Josie understood both.

  “Thank you,” he said as he felt his phone vibrate in his jacket pocket.

  “Don’t thank me. I can’t let my tutor’s confidence take a hit, or I’ll never pass contracts,” she teased.

  Max reached into his pocket and let out a dry laugh at Josie’s jab. He glanced at his screen, unlocked his phone, and read the message he had just received.

  Julian: Maxie, you’ve been gone a looooooong time. Can you please come back? I mish you. OVAH!

  “Gotta run?”

  He glanced up from his screen to see Josie’s big blue eyes on him. “It’s Julian. He gets a little needy when he’s had a few.”

  She laughed. “Needy for you and not Stevie?”

  “Yeah, he’s always been strange like that.” Max slid out of the booth and glanced down at Josie. “You okay if I go? Trust me; I’d never hear the end of i
t if I didn’t show up.”

  “Go. Julian didn’t leave that table by the window once when I told him I’d give him a free cupcake if he delivered Stevie’s order for her exam cramming. He said he needed another free one because the first one magically disappeared. I had to give him one just to get him out of the store. So yeah, I get it.”

  “Do you want me to stop by and go over any of your work with you? It doesn’t have to just be contracts, you know. I can help you with your other classes.”

  Her lips pursed as she mulled over his offer. “How is Friday afternoon?”

  “Perfect. I’ll text you,” he promised.

  “Great. I’ll see you later.”

  He nodded, but as he was about to take a step towards the bakery doors, he stilled. “Josie?”

  “Yes, Max?”

  He hoped she saw the sincerity in his smile and the honesty in his eyes. “Thank you.”

  “No, I should be thanking you for tutor—”

  He shook his head, interrupting her. “No, thank you for letting me be honest with you … about Sarah and Andrea. Thank you for not judging who I was.”

  That teasing grin on her face transformed into a small smile. Josie slid out of the booth and stood in front of him, her hand settling on his arm as she tilted her head back to look at him. “You don’t have to be afraid to be who you are around me. There’s no shame in the man who you are. I quite like Maxwell Sheridan. Nothing I have learnt about you has changed how I look at you. I’m honoured you trust me enough to reveal parts of yourself that you haven’t before.”

  Max’s eyes fell to her pink lips.

  It’d be so easy.

  So right to just cup her face and have her mouth touch his.

  The need outweighed the want.

  And watching her lips part was torture.

  Max tore his eyes from her beautiful mouth to land on her curious blue eyes. He saw it. The hint of desire. Maybe it was lust or attraction.

  He could kiss her to find out.

  But you can’t ruin this, Max.

  Not with Josie.

  The small voice in his head was right.

  He couldn’t.

  Instead of giving in to his needy wants, Max smiled and said, “I’ll see you on Friday, Josephine,” before he pulled away from her touch. He needed to get the hell out of the bakery before he did something stupid.