With the First Goodbye (Thirty-Eight Book 5) Read online

  Josie closed her laptop and sighed.

  He had nothing to be sorry about.

  Josie was the one who had let her emotions get the better of her.

  As his friend, she had no right to feel hurt by him.

  Now she felt stupid because the supposed other woman in his life was his cousin and not a potential lover.

  Jealousy was an emotion Josie had never handled well.

  Setting her laptop on the table by her mother’s bed, Josie reached down and picked up her bag from the floor. After she had set it on her lap, she rummaged inside, pushing aside pens, papers, and books to find her phone. She noticed she had several missed messages from her father, Stella, and to her surprise, Stevie. Josie ignored them as she unlocked her phone and began to type a new message.

  Josie: Max, you have nothing to be sorry about. I’m sorry; I guess I just took what your cousin said to heart. She had a lot of passion in her voice, so when she told me to stay away, I thought I had done something that really warranted it. Like waste your time. So know that I’m sorry, too. I haven’t had the chance to read your notes, but just know that I appreciate them. I’ll see you around.

  Just as she was about to lock her phone, she saw that he was already typing a reply.

  Max: I told you, you’re the better thing in my life, Josephine. Whenever you need me, just call me.

  And that, the sudden lightness in her chest, was her heart wanting Maxwell Sheridan for all the selfish reasons that would end with Josie losing him.

  “Knock, knock.”

  Josie glanced up from her taxation assignment to find her best friend at the hospital room door with a bouquet of pink roses in her hand. “Don’t you have class?”

  Stella shook her head as she entered the room and made her way to Josie’s side. “Told them I had a family emergency and I wanted to be by your side.”

  “Family emergency?” she questioned with a teasing tone. Josie saved the document with her problem-based research assignment and then closed her laptop. She set it on her mother’s bed and watched as Stella grabbed the chair from the other side of the bed and brought it to Josie’s side.

  “Em’s family, Josie. You both are,” Stella said as she sat down with a huff.

  “How was school today?”

  Stella craned her neck and let out a huff. “Year nines are the worst, but I like the school. They said they’d call me up if they need more CRTs. So that’s nice.”

  “Are you ever going to find a school you want to teach at?”

  Her best friend hummed. “I haven’t found one I really like just yet. Plus, the casual pay of being a CRT is really good right now, especially since we don’t pay rent.”

  Josie groaned. “Don’t remind me it’s dirty money that pays for where we live.”

  Stella reached over and squeezed her arm. “You know I’m thankful, right? I hope you don’t think I’m taking advantage of you and your strained relationship with your father for free housing.”

  “I know,” Josie said with a laugh. “Your conscience is clean because I took advantage of it when I realised all we could afford were horrible studio apartments. Trust me; I felt terrible when I asked his assistant to ask him. But then he let me down by not showing up for my birthday to go on holiday to Monaco with his family, and all was right with the world.”

  “Josie,” Stella said in a small voice. The curiosity in her green eyes mixed with a gleam of concern.

  “Yeah?”

  Her best friend squeezed her arm once more in reassurance. “Why didn’t you tell me about Max?”

  She blinked at Stella, unsure why something as small as Josie knowing Maxwell Sheridan would concern her.

  “What’s there to tell?” Josie asked, hoping her nonchalance was enough not to spark Stella’s interest. But from the way her nostrils flared, it was clear it had the opposite effect.

  “The fact you didn’t tell me. Josie, you’ve told me about meeting every single guy who has ever caught your eye. Hell, you even told me that if Danny wasn’t your boss, you’d have tried to sleep with him. You’ve told me about that guy who lasted thirty seconds with you. You’ve told me everything except Max.”

  “He’s just a friend.”

  Stella sighed as she pulled her hand away from Josie’s arm, twisted in her seat to properly face her, and set the roses on her lap. “He’s not just a friend to you, Josie. I see it. Does he feel the same way about you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  What Max had said to Rob resurfaced.

  She knew the reality of her relationship with Max. Katie had thought she was someone else and told her to stay away. She had heard things about Max and other women, and Josie knew she treated him better than the last had.

  But her feelings would go unreciprocated.

  She couldn’t and shouldn’t hope for more.

  A small smile touched her lips as she made a small nod. “We’re just friends.”

  “That’s a shame.”

  “It’s not,” Josie assured. “I think he might still be in love with someone else or hoping for someone else. I think he needs someone to understand him rather than love him.”

  “You could be both …”

  Josie let out a light laugh. “I’m the last person someone is going to want to fall in love with.”

  “That’s not true,” Stella stated.

  “It’s true.”

  Her best friend shot out of her chair as tears consumed her green eyes. She threw the roses onto Josie’s mother’s bed. They landed with a thud, and several petals fell from the flower. “It’s not!”

  “I’m not someone’s first choice, Stella. I’ll never—”

  “Josie,” Dr Frederickson said as he walked into the room, only to stop when he saw Stella with her. “Oh, I’m so sorry. Is this a bad time?”

  Josie jumped out of her chair and shook her head. “No.” She swallowed hard as her palms began to sweat. “Is my …? Has the cancer …?”

  She couldn’t.

  For the life of her, she couldn’t finish any of those questions.

  A slow smile developed on the doctor’s face as the relief consumed his eyes. “It hasn’t spread. The fever’s down, and your mother is doing well. She wanted me to tell you the news while she gets some fresh air with the nurse.”

  This.

  This was what she needed to relieve the pressure and strain on her heart and head.

  Not caring that Stella would see her cry, Josie let her tears fall as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the senior doctor. “Thank you,” she whispered into his chest as his arms circled around her. “Thank you, Doc.”

  “Your mother is a fighter, Josie,” the doctor said.

  Josie cried even harder, proud of her mother. “I’m sorry I’m ruining your shirt.”

  The doctor chuckled as he unlocked his arms from around her and set his palms on her shoulders. He took a deep breath as he pulled her back and serious Dr Frederickson had returned. The same expression on his face as when he confirmed the cancer had returned.

  “Josie, I don’t care about my shirt. In fact, that’s probably the best way to ruin it. But you have to understand that this will take its toll on your mother. She’s already suffered a great deal over the past two weeks. We can’t be sure the chemotherapy will work until she goes through several rounds and scans.”

  Josie nodded. “I understand.”

  “She needs your love and support most of all. We’ll keep her in the hospital for a little while longer just to make sure the neutropenia fever hasn’t affected her other systems.”

  Again, she nodded.

  “The nurse will help your mother back to the room. Have a good afternoon, Josie,” the doctor said then left the room.

  Josie spun around to see Stella crying. Her best friend quickly closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around Josie in a tight embrace.

  There was nothing more to say.

  Not about Max.

  Or what
Max meant to Josie.

  Because this was what mattered.

  Her mother’s second cancer battle.

  It had been over a week since he last messaged Josie. Not that Max was counting. Texting her was all he wanted to do. Every moment he thought of her had him reaching for his phone, but he had to refrain. He suspected Katie’s words had really affected her. His cousin had said some horrible things to the wrong person. If it had been to Sarah, he wouldn’t have cared at all.

  But it was to Josie.

  Sweet, innocent Josie.

  He’d never had someone as sweet as her in his life.

  Someone who was nice to him because they wanted to be.

  It had been a long time.

  The last?

  When he and Sarah were kids.

  Before they became teenagers, and she had chosen Alex.

  It was right that Max had ruined something as good and as pure as Josie’s friendship before it could even really develop.

  “Max?” He heard Stevie call his name. Blinking, he lifted his chin to shift his gaze to his best friend’s fiancée. Her brows furrowed as she stared at him. Then she turned her head and shrugged her shoulder at Julian. “I tried. You’re right. He’s broken.”

  “See. I told you I wasn’t overexaggerating,” Julian said.

  Stevie rolled her eyes as she set her palms on Julian’s cheeks. “I’ll never doubt you again.”

  Max watched as Julian leant closer and said in a low voice, “You always doubt me.”

  “Yeah, and I still seem to love you, mon soleil rayonnant.” She pressed her lips to Julian’s and kissed him.

  That.

  That love in their eyes.

  That connection.

  That smile they made.

  That was what he wanted.

  What he had with Sarah Collins never looked like that. What Stevie and Julian had was what Max wanted more than anything. His want for that had him getting up from his chair and creating a loud, scraping sound.

  Julian pulled away from his fiancée’s kiss and yelled, “He’s alive!”

  Stevie laughed as her hands left Julian’s face, and she glanced up at Max. “You’ve been out of it since you got to PJ’s,” she pointed out. “What’s going on with you, Max? Did something happen while we were in France?”

  Too many questions, Stevie.

  But instead, he asked, “Have you seen Ally?”

  Stevie blinked at him and then nodded towards the bar. “She’s with Rob at the counter.”

  “All right. I’ll be back.” Max stepped away from the table.

  “Can you get me another—” Julian yelled out.

  “No,” Max said, cutting off his best friend. He wasn’t going to return to the table. Not with what he planned to do.

  Max searched the counter to find Ally sitting on a barstool with her husband by her side. Since Ally had worked at PJ O’Brien’s when she was first cut off, she was untouchable by all the regulars. It meant that no trouble would find her. And now that she had married his best friend, Robert Moors, the row club and its members had her back. She was now a world champion’s wife. And it didn’t take much convincing for them to love Ally.

  When he reached the married couple, they both turned to him.

  “Hey, Ally, can I talk to you for a second?” Max asked, almost afraid to.

  “Everything okay?”

  He nodded.

  “You need me to go?” Rob asked.

  If it had been anyone else, Max would have said yes, but Rob had always supported him and his decisions. He had been the one who told him that everything would be all right when he’d eventually come clean with his past sins. And Max would. He promised he would. And to be a better man worthy of having Josephine Faulkner in his life, even as a friend, meant asking for forgiveness from his past.

  “No, that’s all right,” Max answered.

  Rob stayed put, wrapping his arm around his wife.

  “Are you okay, Max?” Ally asked, her hazel eyes shimmered at him.

  Taking a deep breath, Max straightened his spine and squared his shoulders. “You’re the new boss of the bakery, right?”

  “Correct,” she said with a nod.

  His mouth suddenly became dry.

  The organ in his chest doubled in size.

  The beats it was supposed to make were anxious clenches.

  But he was desperate beyond words.

  Ally’s smile faded. “I’ve already signed the contract my family’s lawyer drafted. I’m sorry, Max. I didn’t even think of asking you to have a look at it.”

  He chuckled. “No, that’s not what I was going to ask.”

  “Oh?”

  Max licked his lips and sucked in a deep breath. “Do you know if Josie’s working tonight?”

  His best friend’s wife flinched in surprise. “You wanna know if Josie’s working?”

  “That’s right.”

  The shock turned to excitement and relief on Ally’s face. “She is. She’s closing tonight.”

  “Great. Thanks, Ally,” he said appreciatively.

  Just as he was about to turn around and make his way out of the pub, Ally got off the barstool and lifted her chin at him. “What happened when we were in France?”

  Max glanced over to see the intrigue on Rob’s face.

  “Nothing.”

  Ally’s brows met. “Nothing?” She sounded disappointed.

  “Nothing,” he confirmed. Then he balled his hands into tight fists. “But I wanted something to happen.”

  “You did?”

  Max grinned. “I did. And I’m gonna go do something about it. I’ll see you later.”

  “Wait,” Rob said, grasping his arm. “Does that mean you’re over Andrea?”

  Glancing over at Ally, he saw that hope in her eyes dwindle. Max wanted to say yes. Start fresh with whatever it was he had with Josie and see where his attraction towards her led.

  But Andrea Wallace was almost it.

  The woman was almost his.

  Max pulled his arm free from Rob’s grasp and said, “I’m going to be.”

  Noel: Hey, Max. When you’re free, can you give me a call?

  Max entered the bakery with his phone in his hand and reread the message his best friend in Boston had sent while he had driven to the cupcake bakery to see Josie.

  He knew he might not be able to have what he wanted with Josie. His affection for her didn’t make sense. But she understood him in ways no other woman had. She understood he held guilt, and she saw it clearer than anyone else had.

  If all she wanted was a tutor and friend, then Max would be that for her.

  His attraction towards her would be the unrequited kind.

  Locking his phone, he decided that right now, he wasn’t free. As much as it pained him not to be there for his best friend, his focus and priority were Josie.

  “Max?”

  He tucked his phone into his black leather jacket pocket to find her with a tray of dirty dishes in her hand. Her hair was a mess, brown curls falling out of her bun, and she had what looked like a coffee stain on the white sleeves of her uniform.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Max cleared his throat and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets as he shifted his weight from the balls of his feet to the tips of his toes. “I was in the neighbourhood …”

  She let out a sweet laugh, and he knew she didn’t believe him. “Seriously?”

  “Nah,” he confirmed as he made his way across the shop floor to stand before her. “Came to see you.”

  Josie shifted the tray to hold it in both hands. Max watched her cheeks colour a soft pink shade.

  Did he make her nervous?

  Did he make her heart beat as newly as she did with his?

  Could she ever see him as anyone worth caring about?

  Especially after she knew the things he had done?

  “Why?”

  Max removed his hands from his pockets and took the tray from her. He ste
pped towards the counter and set it down. Then he faced her and asked, “Any customers?”

  She shook her head. “It gets really quiet on Wednesday nights. So why are you here, Max?”

  He let out an exhale. Right here, he should just tell her. That in the eight months since they shared that conversation on the bridge, he had been a better man. Through her compassion, he had changed for the better. But as he watched her eyes search his, he knew there was a small chance he could disappoint her. His feelings for Andrea hindered the truth of his desires.

  So Max made a decision.

  For him.

  For her.

  For the sake of their friendship.

  “My pride has been a little shot for over a week.”

  She appeared amused as she tilted her head at him. Those big blue eyes of hers were remarkable. He knew two other sets, and they were nowhere close to matching Josie’s. Her eyes showed him that she knew pain he didn’t know. And it only made him in awe of her.

  “Your pride?”

  He nodded. “You haven’t told me what you thought of my notes on what you emailed me.”

  Josie chuckled. She turned, and he watched as she made her way behind the counter and reached for a cup. “What’s your drink, Sheridan?”

  Max approached the counter. “Just coffee.”

  She nodded then spun around and began to press some buttons on the espresso machine. He watched as she spooned coffee into a scoop and then connected it to the machine.

  “Any milk?”

  “Just straight black for me,” he said.

  Josie glanced over her shoulder. “Any sugar?”

  “No, thank you.”

  As Josie made his beverage, the smell of fresh coffee filled the bakery. It was a rich aroma he knew was quality coffee and not the cheap kind his father’s law firm had in the staff room. When she finished, she spun around and held the saucer the cup was on and smiled at him.

  “I’ve gotta make sure this order for tomorrow morning is doing okay in the oven. Grab a booth, and I’ll be a minute,” she instructed and handed the hot beverage over.