The Dissolution of Unrequited (The Science of Unrequited Book 4) Read online

  Her ex-boyfriend squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, Alex. For the article. For what I said. For making you think I didn’t love you enough. I love you, baby. I was stupid and made a mistake. I don’t want fame if it means I lose you. I’ll work hard to earn your trust back, just don’t give up on us. Believe me, Alex, I love you so much.”

  She felt it.

  Every spoken word made her heart clench.

  She believed him, and the determination to win her heart back and the love in his eyes were clear.

  “Can we please try again?”

  It was a loaded question—a heartbreaking question—but her heart yearned to try. Even though her brain knew otherwise. He would still want the NBA. He was still a senior on track to graduate. They still had issues. Issues she wanted to work through.

  “If you promise to be honest about the NBA and draft prospects with me. If that’s a promise you can make and honor, then we can try again,” she offered, hating the speck of insecurity that shimmered in her chest.

  His large smile had her almost laughing. The little doubt in her fading. “I promise, I’ll be honest. From now on, no more interviews, and if I have one, I won’t lie about you and us. Never again will I lie about how much I love—”

  A cough interrupted them, and Alex glanced over to find their waiter, a member she recognized from the school band, standing by their table. “Can I get you both the dessert menu?”

  Alex felt Landon’s eyes on her, and she shook her head. “No. Just the check, please. We’re leaving.”

  “Of course,” the waiter said before he left them alone.

  “We’re leaving?” Landon asked, getting her attention.

  She swung her focus back on him and smiled. “Yeah. Don’t we normally end each date at your apartment with ice cream? Unless … Walt and Chase are home?”

  He shook his head. “They aren’t home.”

  “So your place?”

  Landon nodded. “My place.”

  Alex wasn’t that girl.

  The girl who went back to a guy’s place after a date.

  She wasn’t.

  But this was Landon.

  And she had agreed to try again with him.

  It was a strange feeling to be back in her ex-boyfriend’s apartment. Throughout the drive back to his place, Alex couldn’t get herself to remove the ex from his title. Something was off. But the moment he smiled at her, and she saw the love bright in his blue eyes, that doubt fizzled away. She agreed to try again, and she was a woman of her word.

  “Are you okay?” Landon asked as he turned away from the hallway table where he had just set his keys.

  She stared at him, wondering how they found themselves here. They had been so perfect, and now she was questioning every decision she made. There was no doubt she still loved him. She felt it in her chest and each heartbeat. She needed to know the strength of her love for Landon Carmichael.

  Nodding, Alex stepped forward, set her purse on the table on her left, and pressed her palms to his jaw. Confusion was the victor in her heart. She loved him, she was so sure of it, but she was also sure of the heartbreak he inflicted. The pain he’d left her reeling in. The confidence he’d stripped her of.

  But Alex loved him.

  So she kissed her ex-boyfriend.

  The spark reignited instantaneously. The love a tidal wave. Her pain an earthquake. Kissing him confused her and liberated her. But that spark lacked intensity …

  Lacked Evan Gilmore’s touch.

  Alex missed a beat in their kiss at the reminder of Evan. Her breathing faltered as she tried to shake his grasp from her. Luckily, Landon didn’t notice as he pulled back and grasped her hand. He led her to his bedroom door, pushed it opened, and yanked her inside.

  The moment the door closed, something in her broke.

  Something in them broke.

  They kissed and touched as if they couldn’t stand not to touch each other. Then clothes were torn away, and she found herself naked in his bed. As his lips fluttered over hers, her heart had had enough.

  It wasn’t enough for her.

  Evan.

  Memories of him hit her with such force.

  At Blue Jay’s.

  In Boston.

  Him giving her the truth.

  Alex kissing him at Fenway.

  Evan giving her back her necklace.

  And finally, Evan telling her he loved her in the Duke car park.

  Flashes of Evan Gilmore denied her intimacy with her boyfriend. They had been so close. Landon almost pressing into her, but she couldn’t.

  Everything felt wrong and off.

  Because Landon’s validation and love weren’t what she wanted.

  Alex Parker wanted a different kind.

  And it wasn’t Evan Gilmore’s she wanted either.

  I want to love myself.

  I want my own validation.

  Not Landon’s or Evan’s.

  “Alex?” Landon’s voice was tight with fear.

  I want to be proud of myself.

  This isn’t it.

  You won’t support my dreams.

  Tears began to form as she pushed him away. “I’m sorry, Landon,” she whispered as she covered her face with her palms, sobbing into them. She felt so stupid for believing she needed his love when she really needed to love herself more.

  Landon grasped her wrists and pulled her palms away. The light from the parted shades was enough to see the agony on his face. She wished she could take it away, but she couldn’t. “Baby?”

  Alex sat up, pressed her back against the headboard and shook her head. “I can’t, Landon. I’m not ready to give up on myself and my dreams. I’m not ready for you to be ashamed of me.”

  “I’m not,” he said as he got on his knees and cradled her jaw. “I’m not ashamed of you.”

  “You were. It’s the only way to explain that article. It’s the only way to explain why you chose your image over us.”

  “Alex, that article was a mistake. I love you.” His face tightened with the desperation that flashed in his eyes.

  Alex inhaled a deep breath, knowing what she wanted.

  She was as sure as she was when she left Evan Gilmore and Stanford.

  It was why she chose Duke.

  I have to pick me.

  “Landon,” she breathed as she pulled his palms from her face. She stared in his blue eyes and saw how vulnerable he was in them. “I know you love me. I don’t doubt that.”

  A smile peeked at his lips.

  But she would take it away.

  Just for now.

  Just until she learned to love herself first.

  “But I have doubts about our future together.”

  He flinched. “What?”

  Licking her lips, she grasped his hand in hers and let out a sigh. “I need time, Landon. I need time to figure out me. I need to put me first. That’s why I came to Duke, and it’s what I need right now. You have basketball, and I have science. Let us sort those parts of our lives first. I’m still so hurt by your actions, and I need time. Because if I don’t, I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you. Can you give me that? Can you give me more time?”

  Landon gazed down at her hands covering his. He clenched his eyes shut before he opened them and stared at her. “I can do that.” Then he leaned forward and pressed a kiss on her forehead before he pulled his hand from hers and got out of bed.

  Alex watched as he went to his closet and returned with one of his jerseys in his hand. He climbed on the bed and held it up for her. She stared at his jersey, and her heart clenched in her chest. She knew she shouldn’t, but a part of her was so supportive of him and his dreams. And that piece of her had Alex raising her arms for her ex-boyfriend to slip the jersey over her naked body.

  “Will you
still stay with me tonight?”

  “Yes,” she whispered as he laid down.

  Only for tonight.

  In the morning, I’ll leave and be everything I deserve by choosing me.

  Alex laid down next to him as Landon pulled her into his arms and whispered, “I love you so much, Alex. I’m so sorry. I’ll wait. I’ll wait for as long as you want me to.”

  Maybe it was her vulnerable heart, but she believed him.

  As she fell asleep in his arms, a piece of her forgave him …

  And continued to love him.

  The morning light had Alex’s eyelids fluttering as she let out a soft groan. She snuggled into her pillow, loving the way the arm around her tightened. Suddenly, voices had her slowly opening her eyes to find Landon asleep next to her. Alex smiled at the sight of him and reached up and pressed her fingers to his chiseled jaw. She couldn’t deny that she had missed him in the week they had been apart.

  Suddenly, last night came to her. It hadn’t gone exactly the way she or Landon had planned, but she couldn’t commit to being intimate with him. The touching. The tears. The I love you. And most importantly, Alex wanting time apart. Needed time to find herself. She and Landon had been so close; Landon was almost pressing inside her. But when the flashes of Evan Gilmore started, she knew she couldn’t be intimate with Landon, and for that, she was thankful.

  Sex would have complicated everything, so she was glad it didn’t happen. She was glad he respected her desire for time apart and appreciated the truth in the words he whispered to her before she fell asleep.

  Alex brushed her fingers against his jaw and then slowly pulled his arm from her. Then she got out of bed and picked her panties up from the floor. After slipping them on, she decided she’d make them breakfast. Spinning around, she made her way to the door. She opened it gently before she stepped out, not closing the door completely behind her. She swept her hair behind her ear as she focused on the voices coming from the kitchen.

  She recognized them as Walt and Chase, Landon’s roommates. Alex hadn’t seen them in so long and wanted to make them breakfast. Her breakup with Landon wasn’t easy for them, and she wanted to make things right. Just as she was about to make her way toward the kitchen, their conversation grew louder.

  “Is Lan up yet?” Chase asked, unaware that she was staring at their backs.

  “Nah,” Walt said. “Alex is over.”

  Chase tensed. “Did they have sex?”

  “I heard moaning from Lan’s room.”

  “Shit,” Chase cursed.

  “What?” Walt asked as he headed over to the fridge. “I’m glad she’s back. Lan was a miserable fucker.”

  “Fuck, we have to make sure he checks to see if he used a condom.”

  Alex flinched.

  What?

  “Why? Why do you suddenly care about their sex lives?”

  Alex didn’t move, curious and desperate to hear Chase’s answer.

  Chase sighed. “I care about Alex, okay?”

  Walt laughed. “You’re a junior. Wait until Lan graduates. I’m pretty sure he’s only with her because she’s a sure thing. So care about her when he leaves Duke for the NBA. She’ll be heartbroken and an easy lay.”

  “That’s not what I care about, dude, and she’s more than that. I care about her health.”

  My health?

  “Her health? What does that—fuck! He didn’t … did he?”

  Chase shook his head. “He told me Alex is on birth control. That means they would have had unprotected sex last night.”

  “But did he? While she was gone?”

  Her heart dipped, anticipation threatening to choke her.

  And then Chase confirmed it. “Yeah. Brought some blonde back from the bar the other night. Saw them come into the apartment and then I heard moaning. He was supposed to get tested today.”

  “Oh, my God,” Alex gasped, causing Chase and Walt to turn around, horror written all over their faces.

  Suddenly, she heard the door behind her creak and felt Landon’s hands on her shoulders. “Morning, baby.”

  She ignored him, staring at Chase and Walt. “Is it true?”

  Landon’s fingers twitched. “What’s going on?”

  “Is it true, Chase?” she demanded. Her voice louder, causing Landon’s roommate to flinch.

  He was hesitant as he stared over her shoulder before he nodded. “It’s true, Alex.”

  Landon had sex with someone else.

  Last night, he hadn’t mentioned it. They almost had unprotected sex. He was one flex away from being inside her without a condom. She trusted him, and he was willing to put her body at risk. Anger prickled her skin as she tried to keep it together.

  Spinning around, she decided she’d give Landon a chance to explain. To prove to her that Chase was lying. When her eyes landed on him, she saw the shame and truth simmer in his eyes.

  Oh, God.

  “Tell me it’s not true,” she said in a small voice, terrified that if it were any louder, she’d hear the break in her voice.

  “I-I,” he stuttered.

  Alex stepped back, wanting to be away from his touch. “Oh, my God. You had sex with someone else, and you didn’t think you should tell me?”

  “I can’t remember, Alex.” Landon reached for her, but Alex shook her head. “Baby, I was drunk. I can’t even remember if I did.”

  “You can’t remember? You stupid, selfish bastard!” she shouted, her body heated with anger and frustration. “You were really going to risk my health last night? I could have contracted an STD because I trusted you to be honest with me. You said you were done with the lies. That’s worse than you lying about our relationship because once again, you didn’t respect me. I should be hurt that you slept with someone, but I’m more hurt that you weren’t going to tell me you had unprotected sex. I’m an idiot. I’m such an idiot. You’re a liar!”

  “Alex, I swear. I was going to tell you.”

  “When?” she demanded, pushing at his chest. “When you were inside me? Not once did you mention a need for a condom. Not once did you have that conversation with me.”

  “I’ll get tested. I’ll ask her if we did—”

  Alex shook her head unbelievably at him. She had been so blinded by him and her love for him that she didn’t even think he could have sex with someone else. “We’re done.” Then she pushed past him, entered his room, and headed over to her bra.

  “Baby, please,” Landon begged as she ripped his jersey off her with disgust and slipped on her bra and clasped it.

  She ignored him as she swiped her dress from the floor and put it on. Alex freed her hair before she picked up her heels that were by his bed. She scanned his room, satisfied that she had collected all her belongings. Alex didn’t dare look at Landon; she was so angry with him. She had never felt this humiliated in her life.

  As she passed him on her way out of his room, Landon wrapped his fingers around her wrist and stopped her. Alex spun around and pulled her arm free from his clutches.

  “I loved you,” she said, completely dumbfounded at how irresponsible he had been while she was away, grieving their broken relationship. “I loved you enough to take you back, and this is what I get? I am disgusted with you. I am angry with you. I am hurt because of you. And if I don’t leave, I will find myself hating you. We’re done, Landon. We’re over. You go screw whomever the hell you want. I thought last night was a pivotal moment for us, but I was wrong. I’m not your sure thing anymore. I had no idea that was why you were in a relationship with me.”

  Alex ignored the wounded expression on his face as she spun around and made her way out of his bedroom. As she headed toward the apartment door, she glanced over at Chase and shot him a small smile.

  “Thanks, Chase,” she said before she headed down the hallway, collected her purse from t
he table, and left the apartment with fool written on her forehead and the need to cry clawing at her chest.

  It was over.

  They were over.

  For good.

  There was no way she’d ever trust Landon Carmichael again.

  Not with her time.

  Or affections.

  Or even her heart.

  And most importantly, she didn’t trust him with her future.

  Because that was hers, and it took heartbreak after heartbreak for her to understand that.

  78 Pt

  platinum

  ALEX

  Now

  For eight in the morning, Zürich Airport was already bustling with travelers. Their movements made her dizzy. Only one Swiss Air flight was bound for Boston, Massachusetts, today, and it meant Alex had to leave her apartment early to avoid the morning traffic so she could check in on time.

  “You didn’t have to drive me all the way to the airport, Dr. Rodahawe,” Alex said to her now former mentor.

  Dr. Rodahawe smiled as he set down his cup. After Alex checked in, he insisted that they have coffee together before she went through security. However, pre-flight jitters meant she was too nervous to stomach caffeine so early in the morning, so she opted for a bottle of water instead.

  “Nonsense, Alexandra. It would be wrong of me not to see my favorite research assistant off,” he praised, causing Alex to smile.

  “Well, I appreciate it. Thank you, Dr. Rodahawe. For driving me to the airport and letting me be your assistant at your institute. It’s been an invaluable experience that I will never take for granted,” Alex said wholeheartedly, afraid she might cry. They had done all the crying last night at her farewell celebration.