The Results of Unrequited Read online

  Guilt doubled in her chest. She had spent far too long away from Fenway because she couldn’t stomach the idea of or risk seeing Evan again.

  “Thank you, sir,” Alex said.

  “Evan, son, your last game against Rice. You’re making me proud to know you,” the manager said, pride shimmering in his dark brown eyes.

  Alex watched Evan squirm in his seat, uncomfortable with the praise. “Thank you, sir. One of my better games.”

  “Keep playing the way you do, and you a have good chance of being drafted. I know your potential, son, and I’d make sure the Red Sox were interested,” Adrian revealed. Then he put his cap back on, and said, “I’ll see you both later,” before he left Alex and Evan alone once again.

  When Alex saw the manager walk down the tunnel, she turned her attention back to Evan. It seemed as if she had missed a lot of his life in the time they had been apart. “Drafted?” She shook her head in disbelief. “You never wanted to go pro. Is that your plan after college? To play for the Red Sox?”

  Evan’s jaw clenched, and he turned away to gaze at the field. “I’d only go pro for one reason.”

  “And what’s that?” she asked, not liking the hint of misery in his voice.

  She waited as he continued to stare out at Fenway.

  After several silent minutes passed them, Evan faced her. His brown eyes darkened as his nostrils flared. “I’d only go pro for you.”

  Air whooshed out of her lungs, catching in her throat. She was shocked at his revelation because it didn’t make sense to her. “You’d go pro … for me?”

  He nodded. “I’d play for the Red Sox if that was what you wanted me to do. I’d join any MLB team for you if that’s what you needed.”

  “Why?” she breathed out as she got up from her seat, looking down at him. Heat consumed her body. For the first time in months, she wasn’t angry with him for breaking her heart or trying to ruin her relationship. She was angry that he was altering his dreams for her. “Why would you do that? All our lives, you have never wanted to go pro. You never wanted to be compared to Kyle. Why would I let you get drafted if I know that was never your dream?”

  “Because that’s what you deserve!” he growled, getting up from his own seat, towering over her.

  Alex shook her head. “I don’t deserve to know that I made you miserable. The way I’ve somehow always made you miserable. You always seem to have two choices, and I’m never the choice. So no, I don’t deserve that. I don’t want you to go pro for me, Evan. I wanted you to be happy. That’s what I asked Milos that day I was in Stanford. If you were happy. You never came back, so I always believed that you were. I don’t want you to go pro if that’s not your dream!”

  “You were with him, and he wanted to go pro,” Evan murmured.

  Oh, God, we’re doing it.

  We’re actually fighting inside Fenway.

  “Going pro has been his dream his entire life, so I supported that dream. You think it was easy to know my boyfriend would choose the NBA over me? It was torture! I’ve known you my entire life, Evan Gilmore, and your dream has never been to play for the Major League. You’ve never wanted to be compared to Kyle. You wanted to be your own person. And I’ve supported that. I will always support that. But if you honestly want to play professionally, I’ll support you. But if you’re just sacrificing your true dreams to please me, you really don’t care for me at all.” Her chest heaved with frustration.

  All the times he said he would never go pro in high school flashed before her. The times he said he could never subject either of them to that lifestyle. He would never outshine his brother, and that was what teams would expect of him.

  “There she is,” Evan whispered with wonder in his eyes.

  “What?”

  “AJ.” His lips curved into a small smile. “Just right now, you were your old self. The passionate AJ I remember you to be. You never wanted me to go pro because you knew it would never make me happy. But I wasn’t lying. If you told me that being a successful professional athlete was the only way into your life, I’d do it. For you. I’d do it to make you happy.”

  It was a test. She hadn’t liked it, but she felt the passion he spoke of. She felt the old AJ within her. The AJ who wanted to protect him.

  “It wouldn’t make me happy, Evan. Landon wanting to go pro was a dream before me, with me, and after me. It doesn’t make me happy because I know it means the end of us. My life wouldn’t fit with his. If you have the chance to be happy, Evan, don’t jeopardize it.”

  “Then would you be upset with me if I took this chance with you?”

  Her entire body froze at his question. “What?”

  Evan reached behind him and pulled out something from his back pocket. She watched as he brought it to him and unfolded it.

  Her breathing hitched at the sight of it. She knew that baseball cap anywhere. The last time she had worn it had been at Fenway before their senior year of high school.

  “How did you find my Rockies baseball cap?” she asked. She had hidden it in a box on the top shelf of her closet.

  Sadness consumed his eyes as he gazed down at it. “It’s not the one I gave you.”

  “You bought another one?”

  Evan shook his head and then lifted his chin, his eyes finding hers. “It’s mine. The very one I wore when we were together.”

  “Evan,” she whispered.

  “I have an idea, if you trust me.”

  She knew she shouldn’t. She knew that trusting Evan meant exposing herself to more pain. But she couldn’t look away. She couldn’t turn him away.

  “Okay,” she said before she could change her mind.

  Evan took her hand, and Alex flinched at the sudden contact. Skin on skin, it felt like she had come home to his touch. She followed with each step he made as they went down the tunnel and around the stadium. They walked up another tunnel and many flights of stairs until finally, they reached their destination.

  At the very seats they sat at when they sat with the Colorado Rookies fans.

  It had been one of the most frightening yet liberating moments of her life. And to be back in that very spot almost made her breathless as the memories, longing, and sadness gripped her chest.

  They had been so happy that day. At that moment. The picture capturing the moment had been her very favorite of them. A photo she no longer had to claim as hers because she returned it to Evan.

  “Evan …” She pulled her hand free from his as she gazed down at the seats. It felt like a lifetime ago since they had sat in them.

  They had grown older.

  Hurt harder.

  Loved others.

  They had been different versions of themselves that day.

  They had been AJ and Evan.

  Now they were strangers.

  “Why are we here?” she asked, finally looking at him.

  His lips pursed as he stared at the baseball cap in his hand and then her. A smile slowly unraveled as he brushed her curls away from her face. Then he lifted the cap and placed it on her head. Evan gently pressed his palms to her cheeks, cradling her face. Alex’s heart broke free from the reins she hadn’t realized had chained her.

  “Here, you were AJ. You were happy. You wore the most beautiful smile that—to this day—I have ever seen because you were free.” His thumb swept across her skin, causing her heart to dip. “Right here, right now, you’re you. You’re AJ. My AJ. Not his. No one else’s. She’s in there, Alexandra. She just needs time to be comfortable with being AJ again.”

  Her eyes searched his to find the lies, but she found none. She had hoped it was a game. That he didn’t mean any of it. But the softness, the yearning in his voice, flashed in his eyes. And her heart, it wanted nothing more than to hear him say that she was his once again.

  She was torn.

  She thought the l
ove she had for him no longer remained, but it did.

  It was there.

  Maybe it always had been there, and she was just trying to convince herself otherwise.

  Her actions would speak words she couldn’t allow herself to repeat.

  So Alex wrapped her hands around his wrists and pulled his palms from her. Evan parted his lips to speak, to object, but she shook her head, silencing him.

  Then she got on her tippy toes, whispered, “Only with you,” before she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him full on the lips.

  Allowing AJ to once again breathe life between them.

  70 Yb

  ytterbium

  ALEX

  Freshmen year of college

  Maybe it was the fresh ocean air or the dim lights, but she couldn’t remember a more romantic moment than the very one she had found herself in. The seafood restaurant where they sat looked over the sparkling water, completing the romantic setting. Alex and Landon had waited for Savannah for over an hour before they ordered. They hadn’t seen Savannah since they left her mother’s home earlier today. When they left, Landon checked them into their hotel room before they walked around Southport, North Carolina. The beach and the ocean were beautiful, and the coastal town was one Alex was slowly falling in love with. From the picturesque sky to the stores and the locals, it differed from her hometown of Brookline, but Alex understood how small it was for someone like Savannah.

  Throughout dinner, Alex peeked up to find Landon staring at her. She felt nervous under his gaze and would sip her cold water, hoping she didn’t confess the truth in her heart. Alex was afraid to tell him that she loved him. She knew her boyfriend cared about her, but she had no idea how he’d react to her admitting that she loved him so soon in their relationship. But Alex had to tell him. She wanted to tell him tonight, but with the restaurant being packed, she held off on the big L-word reveal. The last time she had told someone she loved them, it had backfired on her. She loved and trusted Landon, but fear was holding her courage captive.

  “Oh, I’m full,” Alex announced as she set her fork down on her plate. The lobster pasta the waiter had recommended was delicious, but Alex couldn’t finish it all. She had barely made it through half her meal when Landon finished his steak.

  “Alex, you could have taken your time,” Landon said as he set down his glass of Coke.

  She rolled her eyes. Just as she was about to speak, her phone vibrated on the table. Alex picked it up, unlocked it, and read Savannah’s text message.

  Sav: Hey, Alex. I’m so sorry I won’t be able to have dinner with y’all.

  Alex: Are you okay? If you need me, just call. If you don’t want to stay at your mother’s tonight, Landon got you a room. The key is at the desk waiting for you.

  Sav: Thanks, Alex. Y’all have been amazing. Tell Landon I said thank you. Y’all have a good night and I’ll see y’all in the morning.

  “Sav isn’t coming to dinner, and she also said thank you for getting her a room,” Alex said, setting her phone back on the table.

  “Is everything okay with Savannah?” Landon asked.

  Alex’s lips pressed together. “I’m not sure. I’m worried, but I’ll give her some space. She’ll tell me when she’s ready.”

  “Hey, do you want to go for a walk on the beach before we head back to the hotel?” her boyfriend asked.

  “I’d love to,” she replied as she grabbed her purse from the table and stood. Landon pulled out his wallet, picked up the check their waiter had left them earlier, and then set the cash on the table. He stepped next to her and held out his hand for Alex to take before they walked out of the restaurant.

  Once they reached the beach, Landon released her hand so Alex could slip off her sandals and then pick them up. The floral maxi dress she’d worn for their dinner dragged along the sand, but she didn’t mind. Landon collected her shoes from her as she wrapped her arms around his, and they walked along the beach together.

  “Hey, Alex?” Landon asked as he slowed their steps.

  She gazed up at him, seeing the small smile on his face. “Yes, Landon?”

  “I’ve been thinking …”

  She pulled her arms free from his and stopped, not liking the way his voice trailed off. “Yeah?”

  Landon came to a stop and spun around to face her. “When we return to Duke … would you maybe … want to stay over more? I know it’s pointless since summer break’s soon.”

  Relief coursed through her. She had been expecting the worst. She bit back a smile as her shoulders relaxed. “You want me to stay at your dorm more?”

  He dropped her sandals and stepped closer. “I do. As much as I love your dorm, I’d like you in my dorm more often. I like the way your perfume makes my sheets smell like you after you leave. I want more of that.”

  “Yes. I’ll stay over more.” She didn’t care that his dorm was on the other side of campus. She didn’t care that it meant it would take her longer to get to her classes. It meant more of him. More nights with him. More nights spent in his bed with his arms around her. And mornings of him waking up and smiling at her.

  She wanted more of those moments. She wanted so much more of Landon. Wanted to love him openly and without fear. And she knew the only way to do that was to tell him.

  “Hey, Landon,” she said in a small voice.

  His brows furrowed. “Everything okay?”

  Alex inhaled a deep breath. “There’s something I want to tell you.”

  “Okay.”

  She bit down on her lip before she warned, “You might not like what I have to say.”

  His eyes widened, fear flashing in his bright blues. “Alex, you have me worried here.”

  Okay, deep breath, Alex.

  You can do it.

  Just say it.

  Landon, I love you.

  That’s it.

  Landon, I love you.

  Simple.

  Say it.

  Landon, I …

  “Landon …”

  “Yeah?”

  Come on.

  It’s not that hard.

  Landon, I love …

  You.

  She licked her lips and then exhaled. “I love you,” she said in a small voice.

  His eyes flashed, and she couldn’t tell if it was in horror or disbelief. He was silent. He was rigid. It only made her fears grow and her heart ache. She needed to backtrack and pronto.

  “I know that this might not be what you wanted to hear. That it’s too soon and too fast. Maybe this isn’t something you want, and I’ve risked losing you. But I do. I love you, and you’re being really quiet and—”

  Landon stepped forward and grasped her shoulder, yanking her to his chest and wrapping an arm around her back while his free hand cupped her cheek.

  He was so beautiful with that smile of his.

  His awe-like expression had her heart racing.

  “You’re not mad?”

  Landon let out a soft laugh. “That you love me? Are you crazy, Alex? I’m not mad that my girlfriend is in love with me. This is the most amazing moment of my life.”

  “It is?”

  He nodded as he unwound his arm from around her back and steadied her face with his palm. “It is because I love you, too, Alex.”

  “You do?” she whispered in relief.

  “I do. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you the moment you told me you had no school spirit in the library after we met at the Sigma Nu frat party. And I was definitely sure I was in love with you when you wore that pi shirt to my basketball game, and you finally told me your name.”

  “That was weeks into the school year,” she pointed out.

  He grinned. “What can I say? You left an impression on me that was hard to forget, Massachusetts.”

  Alex hummed in con
tentment.

  She was happy she had waited until they were alone to tell him that she loved him.

  A moment of pure perfection that her heart loved completely.

  “I love you, Landon.”

  He bent down and pressed his lips to hers in a soft, loving kiss.

  “I love you, too, Alex,” he said wholeheartedly before his lips ensured she knew the truth to his love.

  After Landon kissed her, he whispered he loved her one more time before they walked back to their hotel room. Landon showered, then Alex went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She stared at her reflection in the mirror for a long while, confident with the choices she made in the past year.

  The choices and decisions she made tonight.

  She was confident in the person she now was.

  Alex pushed off the counter, brushed her hair over her shoulder, and inhaled a deep breath.

  Tonight was perfect. Tonight was the night she wanted to be intimate with her boyfriend. The man she was in love with.

  He would be the first man she would be with since she had lost her virginity.

  Evan.

  The thought of him had her shaking her head. He was the last person she should be thinking of. Not now. Not when she was about to be intimate with Landon.

  He’s gone, Alex.

  He left your heart a long time ago.

  You love your boyfriend.

  Alex smiled. She did love Landon. And he loved her.

  Alex nodded to herself and then spun around. She walked out of the bathroom to find the hotel room was empty. The softly moving curtains caught her attention, and she took in the parted balcony doors. She made her way onto the balcony and leaned against the railing next to Landon. He was staring at the bright stars with a contented smile on his face.

  Landon ducked down and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Thank you,” he whispered as he wrapped an arm around her, bringing her to him.

  She tilted her head up at him. “Thank you?”

  “For making me so happy.”

  Alex turned her body and pressed her fingertips to his jaw. She stared into his eyes and felt her chest fill with warmth and rightness.