What We'll Leave Behind Read online

  When Julian reached the beach, he sighed, knowing he’d shout the boys a round of beer later tonight. They had been right. He was Rob’s bitch. And Julian hoped that, now that he had finished university, his brother would see that he was capable of being an adult; that he was no longer the kid who had lost his mother and needed guidance.

  From the corner of his eye, near the lounge chair and beach umbrellas, he noticed something blonde. Julian shifted his focus to see her. Beautiful, blonde hair slightly blowing from the warm wind. And when he had a proper look at her, he took in her vibrant, blue eyes. Her skin wasn’t overly tan, more like sun-kissed. And her legs were long and a vision. The tight tank top and the shorts she was wearing hugged every curve of her body perfectly. He prayed that she glanced his way. He hoped that, if he stood in that spot long enough, she would.

  And that’s when her eyes shifted his way.

  Houston, we have contact.

  Too blue.

  Too stunning.

  The colour of her hair.

  Perfect.

  Do I look away?

  She might think I’m a creeper.

  Julian, look away!

  Come on, son.

  Wait.

  Was that my dad’s voice?

  Piss off, Dad!

  Julian, this is Julian.

  She is out of your league.

  Gonna have to let Blondie go, buddy.

  You’re right, Julian.

  He breathed in deeply. She definitely appeared to be out of his league. No doubt she probably had a boyfriend—or, worse… she could be a lesbian, just like Willa wanted to be.

  Please don’t be a lesbian, Blondie.

  She didn’t smile his way. The way her mouth formed a straight line, and her eyebrows slightly furrowed, her face holding no emotion. Then she sat down and averted his stare by looking out at the water. Every move, he watched—from her putting her bag down to placing her sandals next to it. Then she adjusted her black, floppy hat and took something out of her bag.

  “What are you doing, Julian?” Dean shouted.

  But he ignored him.

  Julian squinted his eyes as Blondie opened her book up, smoothed the page out, and began to read. He wasn’t sure if she ever realised that she chewed her bottom lip when she read, but it was cute. Glaring at the cover, he recognised the book as one he had read back in high school—To Kill a Mockingbird. It had been one of his favourites, not that he would have admitted it to the rest of the class. He’d say that he failed the test and that he had shot the teacher a wink to boost his grade. In reality, Julian had found the book interesting enough to write a good essay on it.

  That’s it. Lesbian or not, I want to know you, Blondie.

  He was determined. More so than he had ever been before. Sure, she’d probably reject him, but there was just something about her that had him walking up the beach and around the lounge chairs. Once he reached where she was sitting, Julian got onto his knees and peered over her shoulder.

  It was the chapter where Scout had learnt what rape meant and provoked her aunt. It was also one of Julian’s favourite chapters. And that was when he realised how screwed he was.

  Beautiful and reads a classic on a Thai beach… God, please forgive me for my sins. If she’s pro-gina, I’m going to have to sway her to team penis. Sorry, Big Man.

  “Tell me you’re a local and that you do this every day you come to the beach,” he said softly near her ear.

  Blondie set the book down and faced him. He felt her eyes on him as he stared at the classic in her lap. It was then that Blondie shivered once; droplets of water had fallen from his hair and landed on her bare shoulder. He loved the way she tried to hide the shiver.

  “Excuse me?” she asked.

  That accent. He would have known it anywhere. They had something in common. They were both Australian. Although her dialect wasn’t strong, he did notice a hint of another accent entwined in her voice.

  Beautiful. Reads classic. And Australian.

  Blondie, you are my dream.

  He smiled at the thought. Even though she was definitely out of his league, he was going to try. She seemed too unreal to miss the chance.

  “You’ve got to be a local. There is no way a tourist comes to Phuket to read Harper Lee’s classic,” he said before he reached over and picked the book up from her lap.

  He cringed at the sight of his wet finger touching the paper. If he stopped to apologise, she’d more than likely get up and leave. So Julian flicked through the novel until he got to his desired page and found the specific paragraph.

  He read out loud one of his favourite lines from To Kill a Mockingbird. When he had read it back in high school, he had understood the meaning. The thought had him smiling. Then he closed the book and handed it to her.

  She didn’t say anything as she took it and placed it back on her lap.

  “I like your choice in classics. I think we’ll be good friends.” He smiled at her.

  But she didn’t smile back. Instead, she stared into his eyes, and his heart did a stupid thing by twitching. Then his stomach did some knotting. His body was doing strange things around her.

  “What’s your name?” he asked.

  He received no answer.

  What if she can’t speak?

  My God, I’m an insensitive ass—

  Wait.

  She answered before.

  She can talk.

  Let’s try this again, Julian.

  “Blondie, what’s your name?”

  She blinked as if she had returned to reality from an off-in-the-distance daydream. “It’s not Blondie, that’s for sure. And I’m not here to make friends,” she bit back.

  Oh, I like ‘em snappy.

  We’re going to be all right, Blondie.

  Mystery-girl-of-his-dreams leant forward and grabbed her beach bag. The idea that she’d leave him and he’d never see her again terrified him. Poof! The possibility of sheer joy would be gone. He couldn’t let it happen. He was desperate, and he wasn’t proud of what he’d do next. His brother and his friends would hang shit over him for not even getting her name.

  Julian placed his hand on her arm to stop her. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, Blondie. Need to be somewhere?”

  She looked down at their contact then back at him. He raised his brow at her, challenging her to stay. The shimmer of those bright, blue eyes caused the knotting in his stomach to tighten. Somewhere in his consciousness, he knew that, if he didn’t get her name, he’d embarrass himself. Chucking up or word vomit. One or both. They were both pathetic.

  “It’s not Blondie. Okay?” she said, sounding annoyed.

  Julian noticed that she loosened her body, and he knew he had her. If annoyance was the trait that’d let him in, it would be the trait he’d continuously use.

  “Come on. I have to know the girl behind the mockingbird. You intrigue me,” he stated. Then he released his hold of her arm and sat back.

  She turned to face him before she sighed. “You aren’t going to leave me alone, are you?”

  His lips tugged upwards in a victorious smile he was unable to stop. He had done it. She had spoken more words.

  “Julian,” he said and then held out his hand.

  He saw the hesitation in her eyes and the way her body tensed. He knew he’d have to ease her into a conversation and prove he wasn’t some creep. Although, he was starting to believe he was. In order to ease the knots in his stomach and the weird pulls of his heart, he took a deep breath.

  “Here’s what we’ll do, Blondie. We’ll be one of those types of friends, the holiday kind. No last names, no pasts or where we come from. We’ll just hang out on this beach. What do you say?”

  Julian studied her as he waited for her answer. She appeared to be mulling over her choices. He’d be lying if he said that her rejection wouldn’t hurt. The girl who completely fascinated him in the most irrational of ways was one he wanted around him. He wasn’t sure if he could dust himself off if she rejected hi
m.

  He noticed the softness in her eyes. Then her lips parted and she spoke the single name that caused his heart to burst—metaphorically.

  “Stephanie.”

  Merde! Merde! Merde!

  Wait.

  Why am I saying ‘shit’ in French?

  Shit! Shit! Shit!

  I regret it.

  I shouldn’t have given this creep my name.

  I don’t care how amazing his eyes are or that he can charm my damn name out of me.

  Great. I’m stuck with him.

  Merde! Merde! Merde!

  She shook her head at her own stupidity. This Julian was attractive. Really attractive. And this really attractive male—with his Australian accent, light brown hair, soft, blue eyes, and an impressive body—sat next to her. With a sigh, Stevie took her hat off and set it on top of her bag.

  “So, what do we do now?” she asked, keeping her eyes on the clear water.

  “Well.” He paused. “What do you want to do today, Stephanie?”

  Stevie cringed. No real names. If he ever tried to find her, he’d find it hard. She never used ‘Stephanie,’ so she’d go undetected.

  Exhaling, she picked her hat up and put it on before lying back on the hot sand. Then she covered her forehead with the backs of her wrists and stared at the blue sky. After watching a cloud slowly move an inch, she closed her eyes.

  “What do you want to do today, Julian?” she asked, enjoying the way the sun warmed her skin.

  Julian.

  Julian, I don’t want your surname.

  We’re ‘holiday’ friends.

  He didn’t respond, but she would force it out of him. If they were to stay on the beach all day, then so be it. It was a much better option than being locked out of her hotel room as her roommate got laid. The first thing she would do when she returned to the resort was call housecleaning to somehow disinfect the room and change the sheets.

  Something obstructed the sun and created a shadow behind her eyelids. When she moved her face, the shadow followed her. Stevie’s eyebrows knitted and then she opened her eyes. She flinched when she saw Julian hovering over her, his nose close to hers.

  “Dude!” she squealed as she slapped his jaw away. Then she sat up, holding her hat.

  Julian chuckled like a six-year-old.

  “What’s so funny?” she asked, dusting the sand off her arms.

  “When you freak out, it’s hilarious.”

  She glared at him. “You’re kind of annoying. You know that, right?”

  He smirked and then nodded. “I do. It’s what I’m known for,” he explained, placing his hands on his hips.

  “That’s not a good thing.”

  “It’s what got you to talk to me, didn’t it?”

  Damn. He’s right.

  She rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”

  Julian took his hands off his hips, dug them into the sand, and leant in close, his face a whisper away from hers. Then he squinted at her, as if to decipher her thoughts.

  “What?” she asked, pulling back.

  He had pursed his lips before he sat back on his rear. “You’re different.”

  Pressing her lips together in a fine line, Stevie picked her bag up. “Gee, thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “I was being sarcastic.”

  Julian nodded along. “That’s what friends do.”

  How can I be ‘friends’ with an idiot?

  “Julian!” someone yelled.

  Stevie craned her neck to see a group of men near the shore. With their wet bodies and hair, it was clear that they had just come from the water. They waved Julian over, and Stevie heard him release a frustrated exhale next to her.

  “I gotta run, Blondie,” Julian said, standing up.

  She tilted her head up to meet his eyes. His really nice eyes. “I guess it was good meeting you.”

  Julian slowly grinned, and her heartbeat didn’t miss the gesture. It was the perfect fluidity of movement. Like calm beach water. The way his soft, blue eyes lightened had her swallowing hard. Really attractive was starting to worry her. Really attractive was really out of her league.

  Friends.

  He said that.

  He wants that.

  We can be that.

  “It was really good to meet you, too, Stephanie,” he said so genuinely that her stomach filled with butterflies. To the point where it could be hailed as a sanctuary rather than a display. So many butterflies.

  Butterflies that made her sick.

  Butterflies caused by him.

  Butterflies brought to life because of a stranger.

  Stevie smiled, trying to forget her silly thoughts. She pulled her iPod out of her bag, wanting to listen to music more than she wanted to return to her hotel room.

  “Listen,” Julian said, gaining her attention.

  She stopped untangling the headphones from around the iPod and raised a brow at him. “Yeah?”

  “You know of the moonlight parties they have on this beach at night?” he asked, scratching his right arm as if he were nervous.

  Staring at the way his nails were digging into his skin, she couldn’t help but smile at the thought that maybe she made him nervous. She hadn’t made anyone feel that way before. And with that, she filed that away as a victory for her self-confidence.

  I’ll take what I can get.

  I don’t think Julian has really looked at the women on this beach.

  I’m, like, a negative ten in comparison.

  I could have sworn a Victoria’s Secret model was around.

  I should tell him that… Friends share that kind of info, right?

  Hey, Stevie?

  Yeah?

  Shut up.

  She cleared her throat, trying to act casual. Because, well, that was what they were. “Yeah, I’ve heard about them.”

  His smile now showed his perfectly white and straight teeth. “So, I’ll see you here tonight?”

  Her body flinched. “What?”

  Julian placed a hand on top of her head and moved her head to make nods. “Oh, so, that’s a yes. I’m so glad. I’ll see you tonight, Blondie. Wear something nice, ’kay?” Once he removed his hand from her head, he raised his hand to signal to his friends.

  “Uhh, oh-kay?” Stevie replied, confused about what he meant.

  Then he winked. Cool, calm, and carefree. A wink that sent shivers down her spine. A wink she scowled at.

  “I’ll see you tonight, Stephanie!” he said with a hint of excitement in his voice before he left her alone on the beach.

  Stevie turned her head and watched him as he picked his towel and bag up and walked down the beach with his friends. Just as she was about to look away, Julian spun and his eyes met hers. He seemed almost relieved to have caught her staring. And when he smiled almost gratefully, her heart clenched and caused a tiny fault in her breathing.

  “Oh, no,” she breathed.

  Because she knew why her heart had decided to play the victim rather than a champion. It was him. Plain and simple. Her body had ignited at the thought and nearness of him.

  Attraction, you are an absolute asshole, you asshole.

  “So, who was the girl you were talking to on the beach earlier today?” Dean asked, nursing his beer.

  Julian scanned the area around the makeshift dance floor and bar. No Blondie. He had known the moment he walked away that he should have asked for where she was staying. But no. He had gone for the ‘you’re going to miss me when I’m gone’ approach. But it seemed to have turned out to be the ‘I’m walking away and I’ll lose you’ good-bye—a move only made by an idiot.

  Staring at the bonfire, he pouted. “Just a girl.”

  Dean let out a low laugh. “Suuure,” he dragged out.

  “What?” Julian raised an eyebrow.

  “Mate, I’ve seen you in clubs and on campus. Never seen you stumble like you did. You’re normally in and out with the phone numbers,” Dean explained.

  “What
ever,” Julian murmured. Then he sighed, knowing his mistakes. “Have you spoken to Willa?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

  From the corner of his eye¸ he saw Dean shake his head.

  “She’s giving me the silent treatment after our fight. She hasn’t been herself since we got here.”

  Turning his head, Julian stared at Dean and smiled at the concerned glint in his eye. “Maybe you should leave the beach party and go home to her?”

  “She’ll probably tell me to go away.”

  “Trust me. Go talk to her,” Julian instructed.

  “I don’t think—”

  “Don’t think. Do.”

  Dean passed Julian his beer and nodded. “Okay. I’ll go see what’s wrong with her.”

  Julian didn’t bother to see if Dean was walking back to the villa. He knew deep down that Dean loved Willa just as stupidly.

  Fools are the ones in love. And love is for the fools.

  Fools, fools, fools.

  But wait.

  I’m a fool.

  Not a ‘love’ fool.

  But one of those fools who wait.

  “Excuse me. You haven’t seen my friend, have you?” her voice asked.

  Julian froze, before a smile instantly crossed his lips. He quickly spun around to see Stephanie in a white summer dress that hit her knees. She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow at him.

  You’re here, Stephanie.

  “Your friend?” he asked, his smile not yet disappearing.

  She nodded. “Yeah. He’s this annoying idiot. He wouldn’t be hanging out with you. You seem too serious by the way you’re glaring at that fire.”

  Pursing his lips, he nodded to every word she said. When she stopped talking, he let his eyes roam her face, taking in the glint in her eyes, her cute nose, and her plump lips. He kept his stare on her mouth longer than necessary.

  I’m going to kiss you, Blondie.

  I don’t know when.

  I don’t know how.

  But I will.

  His heart twitched at the thought. Friends kissed. He was sure one kiss would be harmless. Clenching his eyelids together, Julian ignored the desire in him to want to kiss her in that exact moment. It was all superficial. He enjoyed her exterior. The interior, her personality, was something he was going to take his time learning. She had already fascinated him with her book choice and her smart mouth. He wanted to know more.