The Solution to Unrequited Read online

  He’d do it for her.

  To have Alexandra back in his life.

  It had been twenty minutes since AJ had left him alone in her dorm room. Evan sat on her bed and waited. It was all he could do.

  Suddenly, his phone vibrated against his thigh, and he got off her bed and pulled it from his front jeans pocket. When he unlocked it, he found a message from Kyle waiting.

  Kyle: Hey, Evan. I tried calling Alexi, but she won’t answer. Is she okay? Did you make it to Durham?

  Evan: Yeah. She just went to class.

  Kyle: Have you guys spoken?

  Evan: Barely. I just showed up without her knowing. I surprised her.

  Kyle: I know she hates me. I promised her that I wouldn’t tell you where she was.

  Evan: She might be mad for a little while, but AJ won’t hate you. You’re not the person she hates right now. It’s me.

  Kyle: She doesn’t hate you, Evan.

  Evan: She has to if she did this to us.

  Kyle: Give her some time.

  Time.

  Evan had too much time away from her.

  Sighing, he lifted his chin and looked around her dorm room. She now had a whole life without him, and he had pushed her to do this. He hurt her so much that she ran from him. He’d known AJ all her life and not once had she ever taken such drastic measures.

  Evan: Be honest with me, Kyle. Is she happy here? Is she happy at Duke?

  A tightening sensation invaded his chest as he struggled to exhale.

  Evan: … without me?

  The ellipses that appeared as his brother typed caused his heartbeat to pick up as anticipation tumbled through him.

  It killed him to wait for the truth.

  To find out she was happy without him.

  Kyle: She’s happy at Duke, Evan. When I saw her, though, she had so much guilt in her eyes when we spoke of you. I heard it in her voice when she was telling me goodbye. I’ve known, Evan. All my life, I have known that you two have a bond that no one can get between. I tried so hard to get her to love me. To have her give me as much attention as she gave you. She cares too much about you to have ever let me in. It was always you, but you hurt her in ways only she can explain.

  Evan: Then why didn’t she read any of my emails? Answer any of my calls? Why did she disconnect her number?

  Kyle: I can’t answer those questions. You’ll have to ask her. But be kind to her, Evan. I know you’re hurt, but she is, too. You know her. She wouldn’t have done this unless she had to. You know she wouldn’t.

  Evan: Why can’t you tell me?

  Kyle: Because, little brother, you’re gonna want to remember her face at the exact moment she tells you the truth. I can’t take that away from her, and I especially can’t take that away from you. I’ve been a self-absorbed brother. I had everything, and it wasn’t enough for me. I took away a lot from you, but not this. You don’t deserve that. I gotta go meet with my manager. I’ll talk to you later. If you can, try to get Alexi to come home for fall break. I know Noel and Clara miss her. She belongs at home.

  Evan: When does her fall break start?

  Kyle: Friday. Maybe come back with her? Maybe that’s what you both need. A reminder of home. Not Boston but Brookline.

  Evan: Maybe.

  Lowering his phone, Evan took in AJ’s side of the dorm room and got off the bed. He walked over to the desk and set his phone down next to one of her textbooks, recognizing the familiar frame on the desk. Evan reached over and picked it up, his chest tightening the moment he saw the picture.

  The picture of them at Fenway Park wearing Colorado Rockies baseball caps.

  It was the day he had her sneak away from their regular seats and wear the away team’s caps. But it backfired when the fans recognized AJ as Little Miss Red Sox. Luckily, he had planned for such a scenario and was able to convince everyone that the prank was intentional and for charity.

  Seeing his best friend with a genuine smile on her face during a Red Sox game was priceless. It was one of his favorite moments at Fenway, and one of his most memorable moments spent with her. Because at that moment, she wasn’t Little Miss Red Sox or Kyle Gilmore’s cheerleader and biggest fan. She was his best friend. That moment was theirs, shared with thousands of onlookers. Many who loved her and envied her. Many who had no idea just how precious she was to him.

  How precious she still was to him.

  Even after her betrayal.

  His thumb brushed against the smile on her face. Both so unaware of just how beautiful and free she looked at that moment. How proud of her he was. How proud he had always been of her. The sudden guilt that attacked his chest had him lowering the frame as he continued to stare at it.

  She had no idea.

  He had no idea.

  No idea where they would be after this picture was taken.

  No idea of how far she had separated them.

  How far she was willing to go to live a life without him.

  Evan glanced over her desk to see the Duke school logo on a few notebooks and what looked like a basketball program. It was so strange to see. So hard for him to accept.

  She was immersed in Duke.

  Not Stanford.

  Not even MIT.

  He’d have rather she stayed in Massachusetts.

  She should have at least attended an Ivy League school that deserved her.

  Not Duke.

  Letting out a sigh, Evan spun around and made his way back to AJ’s bed. He sat down on the mattress and continued to stare at the frame in his hands. The frame that represented a time when AJ didn’t set her heartbreakingly sad green eyes on him.

  “If we could just go back …” he whispered, “I could fix this … I can still fix us.”

  His thumb pressed against her cheek.

  “I’ll make us better, Alexandra. We might be disconnected right now, but I’ll make us better. I’ll be whatever you need me to be … just so I can be in your life again … just so I can come back home to you …”

  Evan tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling.

  “Because I miss you,” he admitted in a low voice.

  The sound of a key being inserted into the lock had him lowering his chin to stare at the door. He watched the handle turn, and he jumped off the bed, ready to lay his heart and their friendship on the line for her.

  For their redemption.

  And her forgiveness.

  He held his breath as the door swung open.

  The moment blond hair entered the room, disappointment boomed in his veins as the unfamiliar blonde with bright blue eyes flinched at the sight of him.

  She wasn’t AJ.

  The surprise quickly left the blonde’s face as a smile slowly curled at her lips. She closed the door behind her, walked over to her bed, and dumped her bag on it. Then she faced Evan and folded her arms over her chest. “You sure took your sweet time.”

  His eyes widened in bewilderment. “You know who I am?”

  AJ’s roommate’s brow arched as she unfolded her arms, letting them hang by her sides. “Are all boys from Massachusetts as clueless as you?”

  “Huh?”

  “You’re holding the very frame I’ve noticed my lovely roommate, and your best friend, staring at with sad eyes when she doesn’t think I’m looking.” She nodded at the frame in his hands. “So yes, I know exactly who you are, Evan Gilmore. The question is, why are you here now? College started months ago. What took you so long?”

  “She didn’t tell me,” he said as his gaze fell to the picture. “She didn’t tell me how much I pushed her. How much I hurt her. She didn’t tell me that I was going to Stanford without her.”

  “Oh,” he heard her roommate breathe.

  Evan nodded, eyes beginning to mist at how much it pained him to say it out loud. “Is she happy
here?”

  The roommate remained silent.

  Lifting his chin, he took in the flat smile on her face. “Well, is she?”

  She made a small shrug. “She’s managing.”

  “My brother says she is.”

  “Your brother doesn’t live with her. From everything I’ve heard about your brother, Evan, he would believe anything Alex tells him. I don’t know the Alex you do, but the Alex I know is managing. And that’s not her being happy or sad. She’s adjusting to a life away from Boston and you. Two big parts of her life that she’s trying to figure out how to live without.”

  Cracks developed in his chest.

  Long, large, and deep.

  Evan could see the truth all over her face.

  She wasn’t lying.

  She was honest, and he was glad AJ had someone like her in her life. She appeared to really care about his best friend, and he was relieved that AJ had friends at Duke. Friends who were protective over her.

  Friends who looked out for her when he couldn’t.

  “That doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss you,” the roommate added as she stepped closer and placed her hand on his shoulder. “I know she misses you. I know she cries when she doesn’t think I see her reading your emails. I know she stares at that picture of you both more than she wants to. I know the real reason she doesn’t want to go home for fall break.”

  He blinked at her. “She doesn’t want to go home?”

  She shook her head. “She was scared to see you.”

  “What?”

  “She doesn’t want to see the hate you wrote her in your eyes.”

  That email.

  His shoulders sagged. “I didn’t … I didn’t mean …”

  “I know, but that email hurt her. Just make sure she understands that you didn’t mean it because I saw how much it hurt her.” Her hand left his shoulder as she spun around, walked over to her bed, and sat down. Then she tilted her head. “You weren’t what I was expecting to see, but from what I can see with my own eyes, there’s a lot y’all haven’t talked about. And I think that is the first thing y’all need to do. Because I would really love to get to know the Alex you know. I’m Savannah, by the way.”

  He pressed his lips into a tight, appreciative smile. “Evan, but you already knew that. Thanks for the advice.”

  Savannah grinned. “You’re welcome. How did you know she was at Duke?”

  “My brother.”

  “Ahh. Wait! Does Alex know you’re here?”

  “She does. She went to class.”

  She nodded. “Well then, by all means, sit down. I have a spare minute before class. So I’m going to stare at you. I’m going to consider all your answers and judge your OTP position.”

  “My … what?”

  AJ’s roommate smirked as her bright blue eyes sparkled at him. “Oh, nothing.”

  He knew it meant something, but instead of asking her what exactly, Evan walked back a few steps and sat on AJ’s bed. His eyes returned to the picture as that emptiness in his chest returned. It vibrated. Progressed to other sections of his body. It was loud and mighty.

  It was him fiercely missing Alexandra.

  “Savannah,” he said, not looking away from the frame.

  “Yes?”

  “I’ve missed her,” he admitted.

  “I know. I’ve seen a few of your emails.”

  He shook his head. “No. I really miss her. Like I don’t know who I am without her miss her. I’ve never been away from her like this. I’ve never missed her like this. It’s … painful to miss her like this.”

  “I guess boys from Massachusetts aren’t as clueless as I once thought,” Savannah said.

  Evan peeked up to find her off the bed and picking up her bag. “I had my suspicions about you. About you and my roommate. How is it that I seem to realize it, but you don’t?”

  “I’m sorry?”

  Savannah squinted at him for a long moment as she pursed her lips. “You’re just too scared. Well, Evan Gilmore, you already flew across the country for her. Don’t let being aware of how you feel dictate your insecurities because Alex deserves a lot more than emails and doubt from you. I have to get going, but I hope when I come back, things are on the mend for y’all.”

  “Me, too,” he agreed with an appreciative smile as he watched Savannah leave the dorm room. When the door shut behind her, Evan got up from the bed and returned to AJ’s desk. He set the frame back where he found it and took in the items on her desk, noticing a familiar black box.

  Reaching over, he picked it up and felt his heart’s revival.

  Beat, beat, beat.

  It beat just for her.

  Just for Alexandra.

  Just for what laid in the box and the significance of it.

  Removing the lid, he took in the necklace he’d given her for Christmas. The very necklace that should be around her neck. He let his fingers trace the chain.

  “Eight protons. Eight neutrons, Alexandra,” he whispered as he took in the silver atom structure of oxygen.

  The symbol of her to him.

  His oxygen.

  The very oxygen he had been without since he left Massachusetts.

  27 Co

  cobalt

  AJ

  Senior year of high school

  Evan kissed me.

  For New Year’s.

  Evan Gilmore, my best friend, kissed me at the stroke of the new year.

  AJ Parker blinked as the snow began to slowly fall, and the sound of fireworks dulled. The seconds of the brand-new year continued as she glanced from the snow that fell to Evan’s brown eyes. They were gentler than before, and it caused her chest to tighten at the thought that maybe this kiss was a first for them.

  The very first for a new beginning.

  Her first kiss was from Evan by her bedroom window on her thirteenth birthday. It hadn’t lasted long, and it was awkward, but she appreciated that her first kiss had been with someone she trusted. It hadn’t happened because of a game of spin the bottle like their other friends. Their first kisses had happened in a moment of mutual respect. But at the end of the day, it was a kiss out of convenience rather than passion or want.

  This kiss.

  The kiss that had just happened.

  AJ wasn’t sure what it was.

  However, she knew she felt so much more than just convenience on his lips.

  She felt passion and want.

  Desire and cherishment.

  In the back of her mind, her thoughts screamed that she felt his love, too.

  AJ knew she had to protect her heart and keep those thoughts at bay. But somehow, her heart was unleashed when she whispered, “No one’s ever kissed me the way you just did.”

  A smile slowly spread across his lips. The gentleness in his eyes glowed as his thumb brushed along her cheek in soft strokes. “There’s someone else to compare me to?”

  Confess.

  Your heart’s

  secret.

  His question left her breathless as his thumb dipped and ran along her bottom lip, causing her heart to jolt at his touch. When his thumb pressed at the corner of her mouth, she answered, “There’s never been anyone else.”

  Evan blinked as his lips began to part.

  Just as he exhaled, she heard footsteps and the sound of someone calling her name.

  “Alexandra!”

  AJ pressed her lips into a fine line as Evan pulled away from her, putting space between them. Space that felt like oceans between them. Her heart was disappointed, and her lips felt raw.

  There was no declaration.

  No reason to believe that her love would be reciprocated.

  It was just a kiss.

  A kiss out of convenience.

  And AJ had to remind herself
of that. Evan made a small step toward her and wrapped his hand around her arm, squeezing gently. It was his gesture of reassurance, but right now, she wasn’t sure how to feel.

  It was just a kiss.

  A kiss between Evan and me.

  Best friends don’t kiss.

  “Alexandra,” she heard once more. He let her arm go, and AJ stepped around him to find her grandfather stumbling onto the rooftop. “Ah, my Alexandra.”

  Her disappointment was put on hold as she took in the drunken smile on her grandfather’s face. He had unknowingly interrupted her and Evan. She should be annoyed, but as she took in her grandfather holding her coat to her, she knew she wasn’t. AJ watched as Evan walked over to her grandfather and took her coat from him.

  “It’s cold up here,” her grandfather commented.

  She smiled, knowing that he loved the snow as much as she did. Watching the snow fall was one of his favorite pastimes when he visited from Australia.

  “Marcus? Are you up here?” AJ heard her grandmother yell.

  “Up here, Grandma!” she answered as Evan returned to her side.

  Her grandmother walked through the opened door and onto the rooftop. “Marcus, how you didn’t fall down those stairs in your state, I will never know,” Grandma Louise said as she walked over and wrapped her arms around his arm. “Alexandra, it’s time to get back inside. Your mother and father are looking at you. You’d better find them and wish them a Happy New Year.”

  She nodded. “Okay.”

  “Alexandra,” Evan whispered as her grandmother began to scold her grandfather in his drunken state.

  AJ craned her neck to find Evan holding out her coat to her. She smiled as she turned and threaded her arms through the sleeves. The warmth that engulfed her was heavenly as she realized just how cold she was. When the jacket sat properly on her shoulders, she reached up and buttoned it closed. Then she spun around, and her smile widened in appreciation.

  “Thank you.”